


Gensokyo 20XXIV: At Winter's Mercy and the World Without Sunshine

by Amoridere



Series: Gensokyo 20XX [6]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Adoption, Adult Fear, Attempted Murder-Suicide, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, F/M, False Pregnancy, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insanity, Nuclear Warfare, Nuclear Weapons, Nuclear Winter, PTSD, Personal Favorite, Post-Nuclear War, Pregnancy, Radiation Sickness, Reality Bending, Regrets, Starvation, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Toddlers, Unconditional Love, Wheelchairs, Woobie, feral child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:04:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 69
Words: 25,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2241711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoridere/pseuds/Amoridere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometime has passed since the war and soon a nuclear winter takes place. This story chronicles their story as they brave the cold, suffer the pain, occasional starvation, and death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting Maribel and Renko

I wander about a devastated city with a large bundle on my back. Even in a devastated city, food is indeed scarce but I still persist, even scavenging through trash cans for a mere morsel to eat, something to stave off hunger. The trash cans really give nothing, so, I stopped looking through them. I've gotten lucky, catching a few rats here and there. Eventually, this took me Tokyo. As I wandered about, I couldn't help but to notice something scampering within blurry field of vision as I walked through an alleyway. I followed it until I noticed a little crawlspace. I decided to gap into it and to my surprise I discovered two little girls.

At first they were timid but their curiosity prompted them out of hiding. I wrapped my arms around them, saying, "Reimu will like some sisters." I opted to adopt them as my own and bring them back with me. In cradling them in my arms, I asked them what their names were to which they responded in little voices, "Maribel" and "Renko." I found myself fortunate to have met two little girls to survive such a catastophe. Of course, in meeting them, I decided to turn them into youkai so they'd live, even when I and Ran pass on. So far, these two children were the only two humans I have found and I cannot seem to wrap my head around how long they've been on their own with no one close by. Oh well, they had me now and I will not leave here without them. At least, either appeared to be healthy and somewhat well-fed, meaning they weren't too far away from a food source or the person that had provided for them had died recently. I lightly ran my fingers through their hair and found none was falling out. Of course, in doing so, I had elicited their curiousity even more. Maribel promptly reached up to pull my hair and Renko decided to touch my face. After doing so, they buried themselves deeply within my many shawls. "Don't worry, sweethearts, I'll keep you warm and safe." I said. Carrying them within my mt many shawls and bathrobe, which made me look...pregnant. Oh well, Reimu would like some sisters. I scoured through Tokyo finding food, anything in which I could throw into my bundle. Along with food, I found a first-aid kit and this stuff called milk substitute, also some shoes and several unfrozen jugs of water. Even if those run out, it wouldn't matter as the snow is water, too.

After awhile and while my bundle was extremely large, I started on home. They must be worried about me.

* * *

"I'm not feeling very well."

 


	2. Rebuilding Anew

Sakuya seems to have grown fatigued and she hasn't been feeling very well. Reimu's mother hasn't been well either. From what I could see, it seems Sakuya isn't feeling very well. Of course, that was bound to be, after all she might have the radiation disease and she hasn't eaten in a while, so her feeling ill isn't out the eqaution. In thinking of her illness, I wondered how Reimu's mother is doing, after all, she seems to have gotten better. As she recovers, Sakuya seems to get worse. Hmm, it must be Reimu's mother is more desperate to live, whereas Sakuya is losing her will to.

Interesting sort, I noticed flowers peering out the snow. It's been some time since the war that I seem to have a vague memory of it. Of course, that was bound to be as nature so readily adapts to anything, nuclear holocaust included. However, society isn't like nature and it won't bounce back so easily. Like society, neither will we bounce back so quickly and it will take a long time for us to rebuild anew. Yes, that's it, it will indeed take quite a long time for us rebuild anew. Nature can rebuild quickly in the event of disaster and has done so many times in the past but society isn't like nature and cannot do so. However, even nature has limits and can only rebuild after so many times it has been destroyed. Humans can be destructive sometimes and it seems that humanity had ended their reign during that war amongst the fantasy lands. Of course, the "fantasy lands" were not a fantasy. Me and my daydreaming. Crumbs!

In sniffing these flowers, I wondered about Yukari. It has indeed been awhile since she had vanished without telling. Sometimes, I can hear her voice. That shaky but overall gentle voice she seemed to have. Sometimes, I hear her laughing or wandering around calling out for ducksie and clapping her hands as she does so. I couldn't help but to wonder if she thought ducksie was a lost pet or if she forgot where she was. Hmm, Yukari's gone a bit nuts so I'm not at all surprised if she thought either one. On the other hand, I cannot help to wonder if she died, after all, resources had run scarce and it is unlikely that she would even bother to stay if it meant she would be another mouth to feed. If she truly had left to die, then it would be one final sacrifice she would have made. I could really only hope she died peacefully and, as strange as it seems, happy, satisfied that she leaving this ravaged world.

* * *

_She's returned to_   
_us after a long abscense but she has brought_   
_along some company_


	3. Yukari's Return

I knew I shouldn't have doubted Suika's words, after all, she usually doesn't lie but my heart was so shattered I chose not to believe her. I felt awful for doubting her words and I found myself to feel so sick when Yukari did return. When she returned, I was sitting in her room, barely whispering in response to her voice. Of all this time, I was surprised she didn't leave to die. Instead of dying, she went to find food for us and doing so took her a long time. My beloved had to lead me by the hand outside to see her. There she was, before my eyes, standing there with an extremely large bundle on her back and a rounded abdomen. She dropped the bundle from her back and held her arms outstretched, saying, "It is so good to see you again my little kitsune, sorry to have kept you waiting this long." It was a tearful reunion and she had introduced us to the newest members of our family, Maribel and Renko.

They were such little girls and were quite curious, eager to meet and greet anything new. Of course, Yukari wished to turn them into youkai children and I was not at all against her idea, after all, Yukari's border bending abilities can only be used so much and I will only live so long and both of them are very young children. She spent a couple of hours doing so, exhausting the remaining bits of her strength to do so, requiring a long rest afterwards. I'm surprised doing so didn't really kill her. She was fine and all was well. I was just glad she is home with us again. However, there is no real gaurentee that she could stay.

The next day, we found her cooking some of the food while watching the children interact and play. Reimu and Chen seemed to be happy and enjoyed Renko and Maribel's company. For once, Reimu said something and the first thing she's said was, "You come home!" That wasn't the only thing she's said, as she's called Maribel and Renko by their names, the only difference being that Renko she said more less correctly as "Reenko" and Maribel's name was mispronounced as, "Ma'ybel" or "Mariel". They didn't seem to mind her missaying their names, as both were close to her age and neither could really say their own names properly.

Being endlessly curious, they opted to chase Shimmy in attempt to catch her and cuddle her. Shimmy will take some time getting used to them, though.

* * *

Little wrecked house  
how do we rebuild you to make  
you home again


	4. Little Wrecked House

Huzi told me that we were to rebuild our house. Naturally, I wondered how, as doing so would take extremely long and both of our joints hurt when its cold. Also, where were we going to get the building materials? I was rather doubtful of Huzi's plan but, then again, I decided to go with it, after all, it is better this way and I would like a house. As we went on taking apart the furniture for materials, Huzi removed her mittens and placed them on my hands, taking my torn and ragged mittens from me, placing them on her hands. I couldn't understand why it was she would do that, giving me the things that kept her hands safe from the cold, the things she wore so her joints wouldn't hurt. She was suffering, so I wouldn't have to. She wanted my joints to be protected from the cold and suffer the pain of her cold joints, rather than have me suffer pain from cold joints.

Rebuilding our house tired and took a toll on us to such an extent that Mokou's hands were red, bleeding, and swollen and I could hardly move. The sun we couldn't see was starting to go down and the snow was falling yet again. Being so exhausted, Huzi fell asleep. I draped the tarp over her like a blanket, saying, "Thank you for giving me you mittens, Huzi." Like when the bomb hit, I held onto her for dear life. For once, in a long time, Mokou felt warm.

* * *

"Sakuya dearest, are you alright?"

"Just waiting for the emercency services to arrive..."


	5. She never awoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakuya passes away of Radiation Sickness

As of late, I have designated myself as Sakuya's caregiver and she hasn't been in the best of mind and health. She's been sick a few times in the night and throughout the day. She spends most of her time in bed quite often, yes, and she never did seem to be able arise. She's wanted nothing more than something to live for and held out hope that the emergency services would arrive. Even though I knew it would be better to tell her the truth, I couldn't for fear of breaking her heart. She was close to death and we knew not how much long she has to live, so, in her final times, it would be best to allow her to die happy. Alas, she seemed to be unaware that she was nearing the end. She would stare out of the window-frame, with half opened and dimmed blue eyes, muttering something about the emergency services arriving. Everytime, I would visit her, I felt my heart shatter and I would just wish that she would just fall asleep and never awake, a peaceful death, just as she will have liked and nicer end to her suffering.

One day, I found her struggling to get into her clothes. I couldn't understand why it is she's even gotten out of bed at all, being so very ill. When I asked her if she was alright, she answered, "Just waiting for the emergency services to arrive..." She had promptly fainted, a faltering smile on her face. I checked for a pulse. There was one but I doubt she'd awake. I put her back into bed, my heart shattering into peices. I pulled a white sheet over her head, saying, "Sleep well, Sakuya dear." She wasn't dead yet but I doubt she would come out of her comatose state. A couple of days later, she awoke, to my surprise but she couldn't get out of bed. When she saw me, she told me she tasted something funny. I pointed out that gums were bleeding and that she might have severe gingivitis.

Still, she asked me if the emergency services were to arrive. Naturally, not wanting to crush her hopes, I replied, "Yes, they will come and they will take you to the dentist to have your gum diseased fixed." Over the next few weeks, she mentioned something of strange spots on her arms and legs, blood when she goes to the toilet, and an even more persistant headache, nausea, and fever.

After awhile, death started to take her bit by bit. As she was in her final hours, she looked at me and said, "They'll come when I'm asleep, will they?" I told her to sleep well and that she'll need all of her rest for when they come, taking her hand as I did so. After telling her that, I opted to tell her of all the happy things that she'd like and continued doing so, until, she said, "No more, Yuuka, no more, I'm too tired to hear anymore." She closed her eyes and her hand started go limp. As a tear rolled down my face, I said, "Good night, Sakuya dear, say hello to Flandre, Remilia, Meiling, and Patchouli for me."

She never awoke

* * *

She's very talkative  
Yes, she is indeed very talkative but what  
will she say

now?


	6. Talkative Reimu

Reimu naturally is very talkative. She engages in various conversations with the others, even moreso, since we opted to share our house with the others and them helping rebuilding it so it could suit everyone living here. One by one, I've seen her engage in a conversation, speaking in no more than utterances. For someone who is still learning how to talk, she seems to be rather articulate. One such time, I noticed how she seems to engaging in some conversation Maribel. Maribel was giggling and Reimu was communicating as she normally did, saying utterances, like, "Sugar pretty!" and then saying sentences like, "I happy you here, Ma'ybel." She clapped her little hands afterward, showing she was very happy. It wasn't long before Maribel shared in her happiness and started to clap along with her.

It seems the bomb nor this winter faze her and she seemed to be oblivious to it all. It wasn't just her it didn't faze, it didn't seem to faze Maribel or Renko, two very small once human children. If it had, then they I see no symptoms of it and both behave like a very communicative Reimu, as well as cling to Yukari to whom they see as their mother. I was baffled by how three little children can bounce back from experiencing something that would be of great trauma, then again, Reimu could bounce back because she was asleep during the entire thing, though, how she managed to sleep through that is mystery to me. As for Maribel and Renko on the other hand, I cannot help but to be curious. They seem to be absolutely unfazed by everything, even the deaths of their parents (that reminds me, what the hell happened to their parents?!) and being alone for an undestined amount of time, something most children would go feral from or turn more or less into Reimu, who both Maribel and Renko, mostly Maribel, clearly speak more or less on the level of.

As I observed, I heard Maribel say, "Love you, too, Reimu." and then she clapped her hands even more. It was a unique sort of communication the two seemed to use. After a bit of talking, they started to touch each other's faces, then hair, and then faces again. Soon after, Renko joined them and they went through it again, talking, laughing, and clapping hands with each other, acting like children should. It seems they also like to share meals, for some reason, and Reimu is just as talkative with them as ever. Apparently, she just has lots to say.

* * *

"That reminds me, where on earth do we go the toilet? The house has no toilet."

"Apparently, we go outside, about a few feet off from the house."

"I suppose that's just alright, after all, there isn't any sort of plumbing, but where do we wash?"

"Outside."

"You don't mean outside in the snow?!"

"Yes, that's what fat ass has been doing the entire time."

"Yukari's not right in the head, so I will have expected as much, but the rest of us?!"

"Well, it's better than bathing where we eat and sleep."

 


	7. Laaaa!

Sometimes, I found the days living in our newly rebuilt house to be depressing. I suppose that is normal, as winter is rather depressing, especially since there really is no sunshine. I want sunshine but it's winter and will be for an eternity. As once a princess on the moon, I found myself rather fond of the sunshine. Without it, it is rather boring at the least and depressing at the most. Oh well, I suppose things could be worse, like that one time with the broom and the 7-Eleven (No one told me that was going to happen), that one time we were imprisoned, that one time I told a lie, that one time I drank something and thought something apple juice, that one time I swallowed a thumbtack, that one time with bedwetting, that one time I read Garfield: His 9 Lives, that one time at the Sumo arena, that one time with bird, a couple of golf balls, and some tape, that one time with trycicle, that one time Yukari bit me, that one time with the beer, the one time with the gelding knife, some of this stuff called Axe, a toothpaste, some cola, and Mentos, that one time with the romper stompers, that one time when the bottom level of the apartment building almost flooded, and the time where the nukes were dropped, also the time where Keine died, which is just as depressing as this time.

That time, to Huzi, Keine was her sunshine and she was in a way my sunshine, too. Also, Keine liked the spring time, we all did, but spring is gone and things are as depressing as ever. Nothing seemed to pull me out of it. Huzi tried to but I just stared out of the window. As I spent awhile in melencholy, I was greeted by Reimu sitting in front of me. She wasn't doing much of anything, besides sitting there, looking at me with large red eyes. She blinked and sang a single note, "Laaa!" I blinked in surprise. She sang it again, only longer, "Laaaaaaaaaaa!" For some reason, I decided to sing it back, "Laaa!" For about an hour or thirty minutes, we sang a duet of the same note. After singing, I found myself to be cheered up. Maybe this winter isn't so bad after all! Apparently, Reimu was happy when she saw me smile and clapped her hands. I clapped hands, too, declaring Reimu even more so to be my very best friend.

She gave me hope and made me smile again.

* * *

"Ran, I can see light shining through my bandages!"


	8. Out of the Darkness and into the Light

I have been blind for a long time but, one day, I opened my eyes and noticed light shining through my bandages. I have been living in a world of darkness, relying on nothing but sounds, smells, and feels, but, now it seems, I can see. The light seemed so beautiful and, without fear and after telling Ran, I took off my bandages, seeing all the new sights. Our new house was beautiful and I found myself taking in the new sights. For once, I could observe the world from a new view and once again I was in the light. When Ran took it in I could see, she attempted to cover her face but I pulled her hands away and said, "You're pretty. I'm just happy to see you." When I spotted her beloved, I turned to him and said, "Hello there, and I am happy to see you, too." I was happy to see everyone, the house, the snow, and even the poop and pee in the distancnce. At least, I won't squat directly in it anymore.

* * *

"Has anybody seen Reimu?"


	9. Remember to Close the Doors or Else

It seems one of the kids are missin'? That's weird, really it is. There's Reimu, Ren, Mary, Chen, and the little pupster but one of them is missing. Oh yeah, Reimu's missin'! I looked everywhere but I cannot find her. Usually, she is upstairs but she isn't now and she ain't nowhere downstairs, either. Hmm, where did she go? As I was looking for her, I noticed the door was left open. Uh-oh, that ain't good! I peeked out and noticed tracks. Someone didn't do what Yukari said about closin' the doors and I think Yukari might've picked up on it, as that kitchen knife is gone and so is she and I think Reimu might've crawled into kitsune turf. Them other kitsune won't pass up the chance for a free meal, children or bunny included, then again that is pretty much why she said close the doors. No matter how crazy Yukari is, she is pretty much right on those things. I could hear her voice,  _"Remember to close the doors or else the other kitsune will get in or the children will get out."_

As I thought about what Yukari said, I decided to go out and find 'em but that wasn't without telling Rannie. We followed their footprints and went looking for them. We looked for a long time but we didn't seem to find them. As we were looking, a blizzard hit and Ran and I were seperated from each other. I went back to look for her and called her name. As I was looking for her, I heard a yelping sound. I could barely hear it and the next thing I do hear is even louder than howling winds of a winter ice storm. It was Yukari's voice and she sounded pissed. I could hear the other kitsunes yelping, save one who was growling. Five minuts later, boom, he was yelping, Yukari screamin', "Let this be a lesson to the rest of you!" Dumbasses!

As for Rannie, poor Rannie. She never did get over it, actually, she seemed to be very upset and had gone into depression and attempted to commit suicide by slashing her wrists in the snow. That didn't work as the blood clotted and she didn't do it right but that didn't stop her from trying it,...twice. Actually, she did that more than twice. Seeing her attempt suicide made me want to kill them kitsunes for that. No one as nice as she is should be turned into a suicidal wreck. She attempted suicide for over a week before ultimately giving up before trying again and again and then stoppin'. A curse upon them other kitsunes.

* * *

"I miss Ran."


	10. What is happening to us?

According to Yuuka, Ran is sick. Ran is sick, however, it is not really her that is sick, it's her mind is. It's the pretty much the same thing that happened to Yukari, only, I don't know why or what happened. No one will tell me and Reimu, Mary, and Ren don't know. She's attempted suicide right in front of me and I don't know what to do. She doesn't even seem to hear my voice and she feels so lifeless and cold. It's almost like I'm not even there and she seems to see right through me.  _Why won't you talk to me, Mommy?_  I would scream her name but I wouldn't be acknowledged. Her beloved tried to comfort her to no result. I was fed up with this and would break down in tears right in front of her. Still, she seemed so apathetic.  _Why are you not taking care of us, Mommy?_

I missed her and, as far as I knew, she wasn't going to come back to us and that she was gone. Maybe I shall do what she does and maybe that will get her attention.  _Why don't you love me anymore, Mommy?_  When Yukari was asleep, I managed to snag the only kitchen knife from under her mattress. Slowly, I walked outside and did exactly what Ran did. I fainted and awoke in Yukari's bed, with Yukari standing over me. She was waving her finger in front of my face, like she would do if she was displeased with something I did. She kissed me on the forehead and went to wash off the knife. I also found my wrists to be bandaged. Sadly, I didn't get Ran's attention. I figured maybe that would wake up, bring her back to us, but it was all in vain. She didn't come back to us. I sure hope Yukari isn't mad at me. She doesn't seem to be but I cannot help but to feel she is.

As I was thinking, I closed my eyes only to open then when I discovered my hand being held. I turned and found Suika standing there, holding my hand along with Reimu. Reimu didn't seem to understand what just happened but Suika did and looked like her heart was a fine china plate that was dropped. With a trembling lip, she said, "Yukari ain't mad at ya'." I asked how, to which she answered, "She's confused and, as crazy as she is, she is as upset as you are. She's tryin' to understand what's goin' on and she'd never be mad at ya' for doin' what you did. I mean, look at it, Ran did the same thing you are doin' and she isn't mad but she was sad about it. She'd never be mad at you and probably would've did the same thing." I asked her if Ran will get better, to which she answered, " I can't answer that question, Kitten, no one can." I sighed and noticed Reimu pawing at my bandaged wrist, tears rolling down my cheeks.

_What is happening to us?_

* * *

"Alright, dear, how's Ducksie?"

"Apathetic and bedridden, same as usual, Miss Yuuka."


	11. A Dreadful Setup

Ducksie, the poor dear, doesn't seem to be getting well. Then again, she may not, knowing her experience. Like Yukari, Ran has gone through something rather unpleasant and we'll be dealing with aftermath of it all but the only difference between the two is that Yukari has more or less bounced back but Ran, it seems, is terrifically destroyed. I fear for her, yes, as it is only but a matter of time before something disastrous happens. Naturally, we discussed it and came up with rather discomforting theories. Being that she isn't well and is far away from recovery, we worried that she may attempt suicide but, in attempting suicide, she may attempt to take one of the children with her but that left question as to who? We didn't know and, naturally, we didn't like to think of it.

Soon, after discussing it, we found our fears were soon to be realised. When it was close to bedtime, one night, Chen made note that Reimu was missing and Ran's beloved ("Winston" as I've called him) discovered Ducksie missing. It hadn't taken us long to put two and two together and decide on a proper course of action: Find Reimu and Ducksie. It was a dreadful set up, yes. Reimu cannot even sense danger and Ran has gone mad. Sweet little Reimu wouldn't have known someone she trusted trying to kill her, let alone said person being ill.

We went out to find her, leaving the rabbits alone with the children. We searched and searched but we didn't find either of them. We continued searching through the freezing cold, until Kaguya dear hit on a trail of footprints. We followed them and found Ran preparing to cut her wrist again but little Reimu wasn't with her. She was crying hysterically, saying, "I'll be with Reimu soon." Our hearts had broken and we had wished with absolute sincerity that we could get her some kind of help. Yukari had managed to arouse to reality, where she had briefly stated Reimu passed away and that she had liked to die, too. We knew, deep down, Reimu hadn't died but was alive, somewhere, and she needed to be found. Winston wrapped his arms around her, his beloved indigo flower, and cradled her as she screamed. We went out searching for Reimu, calling her name, but we've never found her. In being distraught, we opted to continue searching but still didn't find her and, sadly, we had to call off our search and search again the next day.

For that time being, we decided to tend to Ducksie. She was comepletely out of her mind and both Winston and Yukari dear tried their hardest to get her back to reality again. She was terrifically traumatized by what had happened to her some time ago and, now, she's convinced she's killed Reimu and wants nothing more than killed herself as well, so she can be with Reimu. We knew Reimu hasn't died but it was utmostly impossible to tell her otherwise.

* * *

"I found somethin'!"


	12. Reunited with Reimu

We continued searching for Reimu, the next day until Suika spotted a clue. A red blanket. The only patch of color in a world of white. The same one Reimu was wrapped in on the night Ran attempted a murder suicide. It was the same red blanket Yukari normally wraps Reimu in before bed. Reimu couldn't have been far. I lightly dug through the snow and didn't turn up bones or hair, something that would point to signs of the worst. Reimu wasn't dead, she was still alive, just as we knew but we still had to find her. She couldn't have been very far and likely wouldn't made it on her own. Suika picked up the blanket and sniffed it, saying, "Go that way." She meant go southwest, which would mean that Reimu's location would be somewhere around there. Who knew Suika had a good sense of smell? Naturally, we followed that direction, coming across a shelter in the distance with a kitsune.

We observed this kitsune for awhile and noticed she was female and had three babies with her. Upon further observation, we noticed she had four babies as Reimu was with her. Reimu seemed to be unharmed and seemed not to have mind her situation. After observing her, she seems to have noticed us and started our way. She didn't seem to happy to see us but sensed what we were there for. We tried talking to her but she remained adamant, saying,  _"If you truly loved her, then you will not have abandoned her."_  and she held Reimu tighter, who was saying only, "Nuh?" We explained the situation to her but that made her more unwilling to give Reimu back to us and this led to arguments and it seemed those two were going to start sending fists.

As the argument grew more heated, Yuuka, being fed up, got up and stepped between the two, saying, "Stop it the both of you, stop it! Listen, neither place will be its safest and what has happened with Ducksie has happened and it could very happen to any of of us, including yourself and would happen if the situation were to be reverse. Either way, neither home is safest, as this one is exposed and the home we have has our dear Ducksie gone mad." Seeing no other way around it, she said, "Alright, let Reimu pick." She placed Reimu between us and herself. Reimu glanced this way and that before saying, "I want both." It was agreed that Reimu would live with us but that kitsune and her babies were to visit. Before we left, Reimu kissed them each.

When we got home, the first thing she wished to see was Ran. Ran, it seems, didn't really want to interact with her but stopped screaming when she realized Reimu hadn't died. Naturally, Reimu seemed not to be deterred and was utterly oblivious as to why Ran wanted to avoid her. From Suika's observation, Ran was doing a final act of love and was avoiding her or interacting with her with hesitance to keep from attempting to kill her. After awhile, she finally allowed herself to get close to Reimu, allowing her crawl into her arms for an embrace. She cried, saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Reimu it seems to have forgave her.

* * *

"Isn't it heartbreaking, Chen, isn't it?"


	13. Isn't it heartbreaking, Chen, is it?

Yukari was in tears, today. She was looking out of the window, sniffling, before turning to me and asking,  _"Isn't it heartbreaking, Chen, is it?"_  I didn't really know what she was talking about and I was trying to make sense of what she was asking. As I was trying to make sense of what she's asked, I felt her hand petting my head. In feeling her gentle hand, I closed my eyes and then I remembered when our hearts were broken when she had gone insane. It wasn't her own fault but she had gone insane, just like Ran had, only, and, it seems, she could feel our heartache for her. History repeated itself and, now Ran herself has gone insane. Her heart was broken, just like mine was when she had lost her sanity. Ran had gone insane and we don't know how to help her and we still don't. As I she petted my head, she lightly stroked my head and said, "I'm sorry, Chen, I'm so sorry." She gathered me into her arms, apologizing for something I knew not what.

I guess she was apologizing for not shielding me and protecting us from what happened. She wanted nothing more than to protect us but couldn't. She was trying to wrap her head around what was going on and it seems she had. After holding me in her arms, she took my hand and said, "Let's go for a walk, sweetheart." We walked for awhile and she, in her shaky voice, was telling me what was going on. Before we got home, I was in tears. She told me everything and told me Ran was sick because someone tried to hurt her. She told me she was sorry, again. She lifted me off of the ground and we went home.

That night, I felt a familiar presence stroking my hair as a I started to fall asleep. I wonder who it was.

* * *

"Big sister, where's Yukari?"

"She left to get more food."


	14. The Pain and Sufferings of an Empath

Recently, Yukari left again to gather more food and, once again, we really had no real recollection on how long she'll be gone. We had a decent amount of food, so I couldn't peice together why it would be that she'd leave yet again. Of course, she left to gather more food so it won't run out. Naturally, we hate it when Yukari leaves because she's always gone for so long and then things start to fall apart. However, she has to leave because she is really the only capable of travelling around and finding adequate resources and is able to do well doing so.

She's been gone about a few days, so far and some of us will have to go without food, then again we usually have one meal a day anyway. Of course, food was not on our minds, Ran's mental state was. To worsen the problem, I could hear her suicidal thoughts and her sorrows. She isn't well and, as far as we knew, she may relapse back into her even worse mental state. She seems to have woken up a bit but we know not to leave her alone with Reimu. Reimu has no sense of danger but, then again, she trusts Ran, so she will not have suspected thing and has no reason not to, well, not in her mind. So far, Ran hasn't attempted to take Reimu's life and her own again but it is still out there. Ran's fiance has been trying to get her back to the way she was, all while trying to take care of the survivor of Ran's litter, their baby, and look after Maribel, Reimu, Chen, and Renko, also Shimmy. Both are difficult as neither of them can really take care of themselves. Chen could take care of herself, however, even more so since she's regained her sight. Of course, she is still a child and being forced aside is going to do a number on her. She's always been forced to step aside, always, and I worry that she feels she isn't getting much attention. I search through the deepest recesses of her mind and I hear how sad she feels.

In hearing her thoughts, I feel her pain to such a heavy extent that my wrist start to bleed, like hers did when she cut her wrists in an attempt to gain Ran's attention. It seems, I am physically tied the others. The more the others are in pain, the more I feel it and the more ailed I become. I'm in just as much agony and I curse these mind reading thoughts.

_I feel my heart shattering, the pain...the pain is just too...great..._

* * *

"Yukari's home."

 


	15. Yukari's Home

Yukari eventually came home, although, I wish she had taken her with me. I was happy to see her again, with a new bundle of food and a bag of rats, meaning ratburgers. She restocked our food supply and petted me on the head, before pulling out a ball of yarn and her knitting needles. I couldn't help but to wonder what she knitting and I sat there watching. She was finishing something but I didn't know what. She kept at knitting for an hour before her ball of yarn was gone and she showed me what she knitting. It was a shawl and she promptly draped it around me. She gathered me into her arms, saying, "There, there, Chen, I've missed...you." Being held in her arms made me happy again. I'll never figure out why she didn't bring me with her but this...feels...nice. A gentle and loving embrace was something I've missed. I sure hope Yukari will cradle me in her arms...

_...forever._

* * *

"Reimu, it seems, is a very talkative one."

"Yep, the problem with that is that she's started the dreaded 'Why?' thing."

 


	16. Ran, sweetheart, come back to us

Reimu has been making progress, growing her vocabulary and makes the most progress when she engages in conversation. From what I can see, she can talk all day long, articulating her speech into more than utterances. She's strung together a sentence that was longer than three words and that was, "I no want sleep, I want stay up late!" It was interesting to see her argue what she wanted at the time. She continued arguing, saying just that sentence, until Winston relented, after which, Reimu fell asleep. The dear just wanted to say what she wanted to. While talkative, she doesn't talk much, except for whenever she thinks the time may be and that is mostly when she is with someone to whom she wishes to speak with. As of late, she's started to ask "Why?" all of the time. Frankly, I don't mind, as little children are prone to this, well, the little children I've encountered, anyway.

However, Reimu decided to articulate her thoughts when she felt it would be of the most importance. We didn't know when that would indeed moment come but it came a good time. Ran was going to try her hand at suicide again and Reimu was sleeping downstairs with Yukari that evening. It seems the cold air from one the doors being opened had awakened her. When she had spotted Ran going outside with the kitchen knife, she shouted "Ran, _ **STOP!**_ " It awakened us all and we all hurried down to Yukari's room and spotted a stunned Ran. She just stood there, her face as white as death, just shocked. The little dear couldn't have possibly known that Ran was attempting suicide but seemed to grasp our worry and was showing upset. Time, it seems, had frozen, like the water to ice. We were all shocked that she was even at it again. It was silent for a bit before she dropped the knife to the ground. It clattered but we were afraid to utter nary a word.

Slowly, she turned to Reimu, who had tears streaming down her face. Her lip was trembling and she was at a lost for words before she, her lip trembling more and in a voice said,  _"I'm sorry._ " She was immediately in tears, the poor thing. She sank to her knees and begged for forgiveness. She had no reason to apologize, as she's done no wrong, not anything to warrant some sort of apology to. She was at it for about a few hours Sighing heavily, Yukari got out of bed and walked over to her. She wrapped her arms around her, saying, "Ran, sweetheart, come back to us, wake up."

Since then, it seems, she was finally starting to come back to us.

* * *

"So, how's Ran doin', Ren?"

"She's starting to come back to us."


	17. Ran and Ren, devoted

Ran, for once, in a long time, aside from that one time she tried to kill herself (again), finally got out of bed and started to walk around. She looked dazed and seemed to be rather spacey. Her eyes were perpetually wide and she startled at almost everything, much like Yukari does, only she can see, Yukari's vision isn't very good. According to Ren, Ran is reconnecting with him. Even though her expression was rather numbed, we could see that she was rather surprised that he remained devoted to her all that time. He loved her, regardless of what happened, and was more than willing to stay devoted of her, even if it meant going to the grave. I haven't seen such a devotion in lovers before, neither in youkai nor humans. Their romance was a curiousity to me and things seem to be clearer. It was pleasant to see such unwavering devotion amongst lovers, after living for several centuries on Earth where humans and youkai alike routinely toss each other aside, doubly so if they loved someone. I hope those two get married someday and, when they do, I want to be a bridesmaid.

* * *

_"Don't leave us, Mommy!"_


	18. Chen's Nightmares

"Chennie, wake up, wake up!" Renko's voice was screaming in my face. I woke up, brushing her away. I was having a nightmare and they never did seem to stop. Every time I have those nightmares, I scream for Ran and every nightmare is almost just the same. They never did seem to stop and I wanted nothing more than to put an end to them. They won't stop...

* * *

_"You know, Mommy loves you, don't you?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I'm sorry, Chen."_

_"MOMMY!"_

* * *

Every night, I had those nightmares. They would keep coming and coming, never at all seeming to leave. They never stopped and I never knew why I was having these nightmares...

* * *

 _"Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY?!_ "

* * *

...and why they won't go away. Ran's stopped trying to kill herself but the nightmares won't leave. I would like for them to stop but I don't know how to make them stop. They still come and I tried to keep them secret. No one can know I have nightmares and, if Mommy finds out, she might try to kill herself again.

* * *

_"Where's Mommy?"_

_"Oh, sweetheart, she can't be with you anymore."_

_"Where did she go?"_

_"She's not here anymore, Chen, she's gone to be amongst the stars. She won't be coming back."_

_"No, no, it's not true!"_

_"It is, sweetheart, I'm so sorry."_

_"No, no- MOMMY!"_

* * *

I awoke to water being splashed on my face and I found Yuuka, in her hair rollers and nightgown. It was still late and she seemed to have just awakened. She wiped my face with a tea towel (as she called it) and told me everything was to be alright. I asked her how, to which she said, "It's alright if you've been having nightmares, I will have had them, too, if I had seen someone I love attempt suicide right in front of me, doubly so if I were a child." She hugged me close, saying, "Times have been hard on us all but they have been hardest on you even more so. Ran won't leave you, dearest, and she's getting well. She's missed you and is wondering about you, wanting nothing more than to have your forgiveness for her attempting to die and abandon you." She picked me up and carried me back to bed, tucking me in, and bidding me goodnight, also giving a peice of chocolate.

* * *

"Pubbie~!"


	19. As Time Passes

As Reimu learns to speak more, her interactions are nothing more than sweet and she's started to interact with Ran's pup, the final one of her litter. She's started to grow and it's been awhile since she was born, so she has started to walk around, more or less. She's endlessly curious about her surroundings but I do worry as this one doesn't seem to have a profound ability to see or has awful vision. Ran worries, too, of course. It seemed that the poor dear has had her eyes sight damaged when the bomb was dropped. Nevertheless, the little dear seemed to enjoy life, despite her handicap. Seeing her with terrible vision, I find it rather strange it juxtaposes the fact that Chen dear can see, whereas the little one cannot. Fortunately, Winston isn't too far away and seems to arrive at just the right moment. Ducksie, on the other hand, is trying to reconnect and she has been making progress.

In thinking of progress, I couldn't help but to wonder how much time has passed and how many of us had gone by this point. Reimu dear's mother has taken ill again with long term illness and she's passed away. As she lie dying of her illness, her last wish was for Yukari to take care of Reimu and she's spent her final moments thanking Yukari for caring for Reimu all that time and sharing her last wishes that we take care of Reimu, only, better than she ever could. We buried her next to Sakuya and all of the others. Aside from a photograph of her, it was as if she were never there and Reimu dear didn't seem to notice her absence, then again, the little dear has already forgotten her before regression and hasn't had much of any sort of contact with her prior to her death. Once again, it seems she was forgotten.

Even though, it feels as if Reimu's mother was never here, sometimes, I feel like her ghost is watching from afar, to watch over Reimu forever.

* * *

"I told your asses that, if you  ** _EVER_**  try to eat Reimu again, I was going to turn you into burgers!"

 


	20. Bastard Kitsune

Stupid filthy bastard kitsunes, how dare they try to eat Reimu?! I cannot at all understand why anyone would like to eat Reimu, after all, little children do not make efficient meals, especially for a group, and, naturally, I cannot see why anyone would want to eat children period. Well, not on my watch! This can and won't stand or else there will be bastard kitsune burgers. After some time, I realized they didn't necessarily want to make a meal of Reimu, rather, there is something special about her. I don't know what but they always attempt to get her. It seems like Reimu has something they want but what is it?

It seems they probably see her as some sort of threat to their existence which would be impossible as Reimu is but a small child, then again, that's what they said about Flandre and we see how that happened, though that could be because of what happened with that one time with Yukari and they had it coming. Nevertheless, the fucking bastards seem to want to be rid of Reimu and it isn't because they wish to make a meal of her. What sort of power does she hold? She's but a baby, so how can babies be a threat to anyone but they still try to get at her.

Still, they always want to be rid of her. I've gotten to be more watchful of this. Recently, they attempted to make off with her in the night but we caught them before they could get any further. As I held her in my arms, one of the little fuckers spoke, "You really want her to live? How preposterous, clearly, she is only going to mean trouble." Yukari blinked her narrowed eyes and said, in a coherent voice, "To you, she is trouble, hence, that is why you wish to end her life because you see her as some sort of threat to your existence. However, whatever the sort may be, she is precious to us and not at all a threat to anyone's life,  ** _yet_** , so get your asses out of here before I decide to end yours right here, right now, and never return." She hissed and said, "Very well, as you wish."

* * *

"I'm not hungry, Huzi."

"Good, neither am I, actually, I'm just tired and your ass is on bottom bunk remember?"

"Oh, I forgot but can I sleep here just for now?"

"Oh, alright, just for tonight but, tomarra, you get your ass back in your own bed."

 


	21. Nerves

Sometimes, I feel so tired. According to Yuuka, this because its nerves. Nerves, I suppose is a nice explaination, after all, life since the Okuu bombs haven't been easier and we've had to shuffle if not pull our weight from time to time, doubly so since that thing that lead to the hole in the roof. Neither Huzi nor I were hungry, again, also nerves. Between the hole in the roof, protecting the youngest, and having to wash clothes and beat them dry, I would say it is nerves. Nerves would be the reason as to why Yukari screams at night, then again, she could be asking for her knitting needles the only way she seems to think will call attention to matter. Nerves would pretty much explain why Yuyuko is in a foul mood and why Koishi urinated on herself, again, as well why Ran is neurotic and emotional most of time.

Nerves, of course! Yuuka was right after all.

* * *

"I wish I could go outside and play."

"Yes, yes, I understand dear but it is the correct thing that you don't."

"Why?"

"Because it is dangerous and we've had several close shaves, rather."


	22. That Day was Nice

I wanted to go outside but I was told I couldn't unless, I have to use the bathroom. However, I still would like to play in the snow. It seems like fun and being inside is boring. Of course, safety is always important, more so than going outside to play in the snow. Considering what happened with Reimu, I suppose they could be right about not allowing me to play in the snow, even for one day. I tried to sneak out once but Yukari caught me and waved her finger in front of my face. She was displeased again. After awhile, she seemed to have caved and said, "Let's go outside and play, sweetheart."

For once we got to play in the snow and it was like old times, until Reimu crawled off again. We found her, next to rather fat kitsune. He didn't seem rather borthered by her prescence and he didn't look like he wanted to eat her. He didn't even seem annoyed with Reimu pulling at his hair and she didn't seem annoyed when he plopped shiitake mushrooms on her head. Actually, she seemed to like that, which made her pull at his hair more. She stopped pulling at his hair and went to eat the mushrooms. Yukari said, "Don't worry, he seems to have befriended Reimu and isn't bothered by her antics." He wasn't bothered by her and was fat because he ate so many mushrooms. When Yukari went to get Reimu, he handed her to her and bid us good day. Reimu was still eating those mushrooms.

That day was nice.

* * *

"Yes, yes, Winston, how's Ran doing?"

"She's doing alright, much better than before."


	23. New Memories

Ducksie has been getting well and has been more coherent, bonding pleasantly with her baby, Yume Ni and the other children. For once, she spoke coherently and didn't cry at the drop of a hat, neither did she seem to act like a born worrier. She also seemed to be more willing to engage in small talk, as I could see her doing so with Reimu. Apparently, despite being paralyzed, thus having no ability to walk, Reimu stated she was happy anyway. It seemed Ran found some comfort in that, knowing that she could enjoy life, even though she's took a horrible fall, was brainwashed into not having a sense of danger, and that having someone she trusted almost attempt a murder suicide with her. Perhaps she took that as she should be happy with life, too. I suppose we all should, doubly so since we are at winter's mercy and in a world where there is no spring or sunshine.

On an important note, it didn't take her long for her pleasant memories to resurface, especially since Kagu and Huzi dear brought up Yukari's photo album that was one of the few things Yukari could salvage from Gensokyo, as it was collapsing. Ran looked through it for an hour before closing it, saying, "Some of the pages are empty. Time to create new memories." She set it down and walked around to a box, pulling out an old sort of camera, the sort where one takes pictures and it comes out. She took pictures of Reimu, Maribel, Renko, Yume Ni, Winston, and the rest of us for a little while and placed them in the photo album. She created new memories, something she wanted to do.

She was happy again and returned to her old self. That camera, on the other hand, still had film in it.

* * *

"Mommy!"


	24. Gekkering

_"Ack-ack-ack-ackawoooo-ack-ack-ack!"_ was a noise that awoke some of us from our sleep and was alerting us it was morning but for the rest of us it was a prelude to playtime, even though it was early. Yume Ni seemed to rather energetic, as did Reimu, and both were playing. It was comforting to hear that sound coming from a little pup and to know it was but mere play behavior. As we were eating breakfast, I heard that gekkering sound again, prompting one of us to go outside and investigate. There were small patches of blood in the snow and it seemed Ran had a disagreement with one of those bastards and it ended with being injured. She was bleeding from her arm and took some time for Yukari to patch up. She was fine afterwards and promptly went back to her old self, back to what she normally does.

After some time, we heard that gekkering sound again. To much amusement, it was more playtime, in the snow. It seemed the kitsune had fun to be had.

* * *

 

_"Bullshit!"_

 


	25. A Child's Sweetness

For once, it seemed Reimu had something to say, after being silent for a little while. However, the first thing she did say was, "Bullshit!" She was upset when she said it and figured that is what the adults say when they get upset but it seemed she wan s calling attention to something that upset her. She said it again but this time with, "I not want that, that yours! I want, that mine, mine not yours!" I had gone to investigate and found Reimu holding Chen's breadcrust, which wasn't as large as hers, and Chen holding Reimu's breadcrust. It seemed Chen wanted the bigger piece and swapped Reimu with hers. I watched for a moment to see what would happen next and the next thing Reimu said was, "Give back now!" She seemed to ignore her, prompting my intervention. "Chen!" I said, grabbing her attention. I folded my arms and said, "This is NOT how we behave, now you give Reimu back her breadcrust and you eat yours!" With reluctance, she gave it back, leading for Reimu to turn to me and say, "Thank 'ou." In a small moment of sweetness, I watched her share little bits of her breadcrust with those sitting around her. She may have been age-regressed but it seems she has kept some semblance of her personality along with it, the part that made her such a dear girl.

Later on, while I was reading, she crawled over to me and hugged my leg, saying, with some difficulty, "I...love...you." After hugging my leg, she raised her arms and said, "Up!" I picked her up and sat her on my lap, concluding she read with me. When I was finished, I sat her on the floor and watched her as she crawled over to Maribel, saying, "Mulberrybel." I watched the two, noticing their interactions, especially how they passed around a rattle. Maribel would play with it and then would pass it to Reimu, Renko joining them after. They played awhile, before they stopped and said, "I love you." to each other.

Throughout, the day, Reimu interactions were nothing short of sweet. She was sweet to almost everyone and everything she's met, not at all wavering or thinking someone isn't at all going to be loved. Perhaps not having a sense of danger and being fearless has made her love this large snowball of a world and life itself. She was a small and innocent child, so I expected it so, but it is because she doesn't fear or sense danger seems to have made her become able to be friends with anyone and anything, from a kitsune fat from eating mushrooms to forgiving a once mentally ill and suicidal one. Perhaps it is her inability to fear that makes her so sweet because it's made her able to love this snowball of a world, which in turn makes her love everyone and everything, which in turns makes her more innocent.

* * *

"Is Yukari alright?"

"Yes, yes, she's fine, just ate some bad meat was all."


	26. Bad Meat and Bottom Bunk

Yukari's eaten bad meat, again, and has become ill. Sometimes, I have a heard time wrapping my head around why she would even eat bad meat but, then again, she could be eating and suffering the ill effects to make sure we don't eat it and suffer ill effects. Surely, the foxes could have eaten it, being scavengers, but, from what I've seen, they would probably turn their noses at it, not that I could blame them, as I wouldn't want to eat smelly rotten meat either. On that note, it did attract rats and mice, which they did eat and Yuyuko made ratburgers out of. On rather bittersweet note, Reimu took notice to Ran's scarred up wrists and promptly ignored them afterwards, seeing only Ducksie. She didn't see the once suicidal wreck that we had all seen at some point, some time ago. To think a gentle kitsune like herself was once suicidal is rather hard but it was there and we were torn apart by it. Of course, someday, Ran will have to tell her about what happened and I feel sorry for her but Reimu will understand. Reimu showing absolute affection was her way of saying, "I forgive you, Ran." Of course, I feel sorry for them both as, Reimu can and will form permanent memories but at least the two reformed their bond

On a much happier note, we got an unexpected surprise. Some more of our other comrades were alive and they were Miko, Tenshi, Kosuzu and Kisume. They survived the strike and had been wandering around before deciding to come here. We let them in and Kosuzu asked promptly to see Reimu and was surprised that the little white-haired girl sitting at her feet was Reimu. Nevertheles, she accepted her anyway, just happy to see her again. Miko promptly asked me where they were to sleep. I informed them of the bunks, right by Kaguya and Mokou dears', is where Tenshi and she will sleep, and little Kisume and Kosuzu will sleep in the room with the children.

Naturally, Miko and Tenshi started to argue over which bunk should either of them sleep on. Miko wanted top bunk, on the grounds that Tenshi tends to piddle in the bed and she'll end up soaked. "Either that or put her ass outside." Miko said. It was finally agreed that Tenshie would sleep on the bottom bunk and Miko would sleep on top.

* * *

"Ratburgers?!"

"Yes, ratburgers, Tenshie."

"Don't want ratburgers."

"We haven't a choice, be lucky to have food at all."


	27. Readjustments and Ratburgers

Well, first morning in the new house and I wake up to pleasant smell Tenshi's piss. I suppose it could be worse, like it was before, and it is good seeing everyone again. They've seemed to have changed a bit and that shouldn't be hard to tell, as Kaguya seems to have gone up three, four, or five dress sizes. Mmm, make that six, seven, or eight but Mokou seems to be in the same size as always. Mokou, always tall and slender, and Kaguya, short but is rather stout. Yukari's doing good, even though she went insane and is still going ballistic at a moments notice and slugged Tenshie in the eye. Chen is okay, as is Reimu, and those two other kids. I thought about our surroundings and where we living and concluded it was nice but I'm putting Tenshi's ass outside. No one wants to wake up to the smell of piss. I don't.

In readjusting, I found we were to consume ratburgers, though they weren't really burgers, rather they were roasted rats that you use the tail for the stick. Frankly, it is far from luxurious but I don't mind, though I do wish I had mustard but Tenshie turned her nose up at it, saying, "Don't want ratburgers." If I were asked, I would say ratburgers are an improvement, better than eating rocks and bones and a dead bird that was burned to a crisp by a nuke. Though, I do wish I had mustard to go with my ratburger. Like Yuuka said, we're lucky to even have food.

* * *

**_"CHEN!"_ **


	28. A Savage Attack

A horrible scream rang through, leaving behind a deathly silence, causing even the wind to stop blowing. In the snow, there were bloodstains and they lead to Ran cradling a limp and bloodied Chen. Something awful had happened and we didn't know who or, for that matter,  ** _what_  **attacked her but who or what attacked her is something we may never find out. One of us should have gone outside with her or did something to prevent this from happening,  _something._  We patched Chen up and waited a couple of days for her to arise from her coma. When she did arise, something was wrong and it was that she couldn't use one of each of her arms and legs, meaning the injuries she's sustained badly damaged her nerves, and that she couldn't hold her waste. We were fearful and Ran didn't want to let Chen out of her sight, even for a millisecond.

To twist the knife even further, Chen doesn't want to look outside and is horrified at anything that seems to remind her of something that happened that day but she cannot remember what happened. However, who or what it is that attacked her was trying to do more than just harm. They were going for the kill and was lying in wait to attack her, knowing she would be vulnerable. I tried my damnedest hardest to piece together what sort of motive possessed them to attack and attempt to kill Chen, who hasn't done anything to win any enemies. I could understand if that were Seija, in which case, she would have deserved it but we beat their asses to it, but Chen? This cannot stand and it won't. I wanted no more than to seek out who could do such a thing.

_And I will!_

* * *

"Now, now, Chen dear, you mustn't upset yourself."


	29. Juxtaposition

Chen seems to very upset but who on earth could have blamed her? Her left arm and leg are paralyzed from nerve damage and she can't even toilet properly, requiring a diaper like baby and needing it to be changed every once and awhile. It was heartbreaking to see her this sad and droopy, like a shriveled wilted sunflower, rather than the vibrant kitty she's always been. Reimu, Merry, and Wren have cheering her up but it never could work. She would lie in bed, waiting for her food or to be changed, which was often. She didn't seem to really cry about anything and neither did she cry at all. She remained silent until she did cry, one day.

She was hysterical and very loud, sobbing so much, we could have thought that her tears would flood the house. Naturally, my thought was to tell her not to upset herself and tell her times were to get better, to which she responded, " ** _HOW?!_**  I can't use my left arm and leg and I can't do anything, besides peeing and pooping diaper like baby. I don't know  _anyone_  who would want to live like this! How can life get better?! How can it?!" I wasn't sure how I could answer her questions, then again there are more questions that are almost without answer, like who attacked her.

After thinking, I took her hand, startling her, and said, "Sweetheart, dearest, it is possible to live a happy life, even in this state, after all, you are alive and have people who love regardless if you were blind or if you can't use certain limbs, I know Ran especially does and how on earth could she not? She's taken care of you since you were only a little baby and is more than willing to do so for as long she lives. Look at Reimu, she can't walk but she doesn't seem to be fazed by it and acts almost as if nothing's happened. Of course, whether or not she seems to be well aware that she cannot walk is the question but the point is that she's not at all fazed by her damaged legs." She wiped her tears away and we cuddled. She fell asleep after, leaving me to tuck her in. She seemed to be smiling, for once, in a while since the she was injured so badly.

On a worrying note, Miko tells me that Kaguya and Mokou dear are gone to find who did this to Chen. Kaguya went by herself and Mokou went with her to look after her. What in blooming hell would provoke them to go off by themselves? Of course, they're immortal, they haven't much to lose and there is no use in attempting to kill them. However, it is a tad futile to search for who or whatever attacked Chen, as they may never find them and there is pretty good chance, also we have no clue as to who or what could have attacked Chen. If they've gone after those horrid kitsunes, then I can only worry for the rest of us, as they are opening the floodgates to war and that could lead something there aren't any words to put to.

* * *

"Okay, yeah, we know what one of 'em tried to do with Rannie but how can we be so sures it was them?" "

Who else would attack one of us without any due cause? It  ** _had_**  to have been them, Huzi!"

"Okay, if you say so."


	30. For Vengeance

We walk through the blisterin' cold for vengeance. I don't want to but someone has to look after Kagu, she could get herself hurt. We keep goin' but somethin' wasn't feeling right. Somethin' tolds me we doing something bad and this could lead to somethin' there isn't words for. I want to get due justice for Chen but this is bit too much for that and Yukari and Ran will have our asses over it. However, Kagu and I are sisters and sisters stick together, even if one is wrong, and she is wraa-uang or so I think but, either way, I will follow her, anyway. I suppose maybe nothin' will come out of it but, then again, we could be doing somethin' awful. Of course, I can't tell her any different, so I may as well go along with it.

When we made it, I wished I could have talked her out of it.

* * *

"I sure hope they don't pull no stupid moves."


	31. Worries

Naturally, I worry about Mokou and Kaguya and Suika is more or less indifferent but points out that the two could pull pretty foolish moves. Of course, said foolish moves would come out with the adverse effect on us all, hindering our survival. I try not to think about how or what sort of effect it will have, as I have very much to deal with already. If I'm not feeding the children, quieting Yukari of her screaming, or changing diapers, I'm worrying about what lies beyond our house. Honestly, if I had it any other way, then I will have never let Chen out of my sight, thus none of this would have happened. I suppose I could feel guilty for this and we all do, after all, if Chen had someone with her then she wouldn't have been attacked and rendered incontinent and with nerve damage. I wanted to find clues, too, but I didn't know at what cost that could be worth, so I stopped musing on the matter. However, that doesn't make me less afraid if not outright paranoid to go outside.

Of course, we have to go outside to do our business, which makes it a tad worrying for me. To think I could be attacked at any monent as soon as I go outside to do my business is unsettling. However, Chen was attacked when she simply went out to play, which in itself is even more unsettling, as well as the fact that whatever had attacked her was lying in wait, making it rather planned. I don't have to worry about Chen, Wren, and Meary being in danger, though, as Chen cannot even walk and Meary and Wren seemed to have picked up same fears from Chen, only to lesser degree, as they'll go outside but they won't _stay_  outside, but Reimu I worry about greatly because she cannot even sense danger and doesn't seem to be pretty good at learning  _how_  to fear, since it isn't innate.

Conditioning her to not fear, to sense danger, was just inhumane in itself but reconditioning her would be just as inhumane, thus we are left really leaving Reimu not to fear anything and I can only hope that nothing disastrous will befall her.

* * *

"Red snow..."


	32. Trouble There Isn't Words For

Yukari it seems was going about her mad ramblings again but, this time, they were different. She was repetitively saying, "Red snow..." According to Yuuka, this was out of the ordinary for her and it was troubling. Later on, that night, we heard the screams of Kaguya and Mokou and they ran in the door and slammed it shut. They hurried to our room, pulled out a saratoga trunk, threw almost all of their things in it, Kaguya putting herself in it, and slammed the lid shut. When I asked what was going on, she said, "We gots leave, all of us, 'cause them bastards kitsunes are gonna burn the house the ground and kill you guys and beat the hell out us." My eyes widened and it took some time to wrap my head around what was going on.

"What in bloody hell did you do?!" Yuuka screamed. Mokou took a deep breath and said, "So, anyway, we went to go get justice for Chen but I knew what we was doin' was gonna get us in a whole heap o' trouble there isn't words for but I didn't stop her because I couldn't tell her any different so we went to do it and did it and them kitsune declared war and said they was gonna burn the house down and are comin' here with torches and shit and is really gonna burn the house down to kill you guys and beat the hell out of us and raise hell and some other stuff but that is beside the point and we gotta pack up and leave before they do that and they won't stop until we leaves and gets the hell out of here 'cause a whole lotta shit has hit the fan." She said that all on one breath. Yuuka blinked, calmly walked back to her sleeping place, and started to hastily pack up.

Within about thirty minutes there was a panic and everyone had packed what they could carry and what they wanted. The kitsunes were over horizon and and it was hellish organish glow, lighting up the bluish forever cloudy nighttime sky. Suika punched a hole in the wall and we ran as fast and as far as we really could. Other youkai that weren't even the target fled, too, and for due reason. There really was trouble there weren't words for and we were in for more suffering. As we watched the house burn from a far distance, the winter felt warmer than we were. Yukari gapped us away but I could never forget when our house burned down.

* * *

"Why'd ya let me do it, Huzi?"

"I didn't want to but I knew couldn't tell ya any different so I went along with it, knowin' it would be better if you learned your mistake. One part about looking after someone you love and care about is letting them learn from their mistakes." 


	33. Rebuild

We were once again without home and Kaguya dear felt awful. She asked Mokou dear why it is she let her do what she's done, to which she had the answer, "I didn't want to but I knew couldn't tell ya any different so I went along with it, knowin' it would be better if you learned your mistake. One part about looking after someone you love and care about is letting them learn from their mistakes." Kaguya wiped away her tears and agreed. She did make a mistake but she did learn from that mistake.

We continued searching for a home until, ultimately, it brought us to the Okuchichibu Mountains and a cave within them. It was decided we'd make a home here and we proceeded to do so. Somehow, the land around of these particular mountains remained mostly unchanged, aside from deadspots where there craters and where vegetation wasn't present. Our cave was large but cozy, sheltering us from the unforgiving and cold world outside. As we settled, we went about how we were to rebuild.

Rebuild.

* * *

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

 


	34. Underground House

As we were making this cave home, I couldn't help but to notice a strange noise. Of course, that noise was the sound Ran and Ren doing to two-backed beast. When I walked in one them, they didn't seem to be too happy, Ran covering herself asking, "Um, Suika, do you mind?" I left them alone but that wasn't without me laughin'. After walking in on them doing two backed beast, I wandered around, thinking,  _Oh boy, Fatass will have a field day hearin' what I tell her!_  As I wandered around the cave, I noticed Reimu pawing at something. She seemed to notice something and was clawing viciously at it. I came over for a closer look and found it was a door, a rusty door. I blinked and opened it, calling the others over, except Ran and Ren, as they were still doing their thing. I punched the door open and behind it was a staircase.

We walked downstairs and found another door. Through that door, we found an underground house, complete with rooms, a bathroom, fireplace and a kitchen. According to Yuuka it had some running water and most of everything was run on batteries or gasoline. The place was dusty, abandoned. It had frozen food and fresh water and some electricity. It also had a hospital room with medicines and junk and a cellar which lead to more rooms. It also had fake windows. Someone wanted to live here.  _Someone._

Oh, and Ran and Ren finally got finished with the two back beast.

* * *

"Ducksie, you feel fuller than usual."

"Mmmm."

"You're up in a duff again."


	35. Mortal life is funny, isn't it?

Ran is pregnant again and I would think so, on the account of Suika walking in on them making the two backed beast. I suppose they should have held off on doing that but what could we really expect? They're in love and probably just celebrated in that way, in which those are fine. Of course, in doing so, Ran became pregnant again and is now worried that this could prove be rather hindering. Her worries are well-founded in that this is her third pregnancy and that she has lost just about her entire litters from the last one and we have no clue if food is limited in this case and worries on how large that will make our population. Naturally, I didn't know what sort of advice to give her when she came to me with her worries.

Of course, at least society is collapsed as to think of what sort of advice a person could give to an otherwise emotionally fragile Ran would be horrid. However, I do think babies are nice and Ran is unlikely to give birth to a large litter, not without some of them regrettably dying. Ran and Ren are joyfully expectant but, at the same, Ran is worried. She's a dear girl, really, and doesn't want to hinder us or cause harm to anyone she cares about.

On a sadder note, she did wonder what sort of advice Eirin would have given her, stating Eirin was the one who knew very much of these things and would say what to do. Sadly, Eirin passed away so long ago and we wish she did indeed survive but she didn't and had died like all the others. In times like these we need her but, at the same time, we wish we in turn were dead so we wouldn't suffer.

_"Mortal life is funny isn't it? I do tend to envy you for being able to die and yet being allowed treasure something and enjoy it while you can."_

Eirin, I used to envy you, too, for not being able to die but, as it seems, you envied us for not being able to die and now we envy you because you've died. I suppose mortal life is funny.

* * *

"How is she?"

"She's fine but I am sad to inform you that Ran only delivered one."


	36. Sorrow and then Joy

Sadly, Ran only delivered one baby in her litter and it was such sadness that even that one may not survive. Of course, Ran had a reason to be worried during her pregnancy and this was a far deeper reason. The reason she was so worried is because, not only did she fear a pregnancy could hinder us or lessen resources, she was worried that she would lose her babies and she lost almost her entire litter save one. One was all she delivered, the other ones were stillbirths, and, in the end, Ran was left in the same state as her baby. Both were sickly. Childbirth took a toll on Ran's health to the point she was ill afterwards for awhile. She got well but her baby's condition remained questionable. Her pain was shared by the rest of us.

Some time passed, her pup's condition seemed to be finally picking up. For once, this pup lifted its head and seemed to somewhat curious about its surroundings but even more so in its mother. Pretty soon, both were healthy and Ran's spirits was uplifted. Life could be getting better after all.

* * *

"I missed you."

 


	37. I missed you

Every since we moved here and due to all the surrounding incidents and things, Reimu seemed to be quiet, until she said something that I found to be odd. I hadn't gone anywhere but she did say what she said and it was three words, "I missed you." It was odd that she said that because I didn't go anywhere but she said it anyway. She blinked her large red eyes and said, "I missed you a lot." Her eyes welt up in tears and she reached for me saying, "I missed you, don't go." I held her in my arms, saying, "There, there, I won't leave you." She seemed genuinely upset but I comforted her nonetheless. Perhaps, she just didn't want anyone to leave her or she didn't want to be alone. At least, those fuckers won't be trying to be rid of her anymore.

* * *

"Alright, Ducksie, is Yukari alright?"

"Yes, sleeping, same as usual, but she does occaisionally ramble about how she sees dead people."

"You mean Yuyuko dear?"

"No, other dead people."

 


	38. Ghosts

How preposterous! I've never thought Yukari would ramble about seeing the dearly departed but she has. Of course, we all can see Yuyuko, because she is a different sort of ghost, but the others we can't really see, only hear their voices. However, Yukari also isn't right in the head, so those could be deliriums and fever dream, something to those sorts. On the note of thinking about Yukari talking to ghosts, I do find that a tad disturbing to see her engage in chats with something that isn't there. Actually, everyone but Mary, Wren, Yuyuko, and Reimu seemed to be frightened to see her do so. Nevertheless, I still think she is in a state of delirium when she does that, so thinking that does take some of the fright away. On a note, it does make it interesting.

I caught her talking to the dearly departed and I couldn't help but to watch. "Hello again, Marisa." she said, to the space in front of her. The space said nothing. "Yes, Reimu is doing well, thank you for asking." she responded to the silence. After about five or so minutes, she laughed and said, "That's good and I'll to tell Reimu the joke." Apparently, Marisa's ghost was telling her a joke and was asking how Reimu was doing. It seemed to be a fairly casual conversation. If Yukari really was seeing and speaking to ghosts, then they must only show themselves to her.

We never did really see or hear them for ourselves, so it remains unclear if Yukari really is seeing ghosts. Nevertheless, it is interesting.

* * *

"How long has Reimu had that sewing pin been stuck in her hand?"


	39. Pain

Reimu didn't seem to notice that she had a pin stuck in her hand. Of course, she wouldn't have noticed, as she was conditioned not to notice pain or injuries. However, the physiological aspect of pain stimuli caused her hand to close up, like it would even if she responded, but she was conditioned not respond otherwise. I picked her up, held her in my arms, and gingerly pulled her the pin from her hand, to which it jerked away. The pin was covered in blood and seemed to have been there for awhile, as well as being stuck in there deeply, meaning she had to have crawled on it with her hand and it closed up but her crawling on it, while her hand was balled into a fist, pushed it deeper.

I treated her wound and bandaged her hand, also making it a task to keep sharp objects off of the ground. If she wasn't going to fear anything, then she may as well know what pain is but it would cruel to recondition her to respond to it, since that sort of instict has been removed from her. For someone who didn't respond to pain, she had a habit of hitting or biting someone. Of course, Tenshi had it coming and other times Reimu seems to reserve for wanting to get attention.

* * *

"Loser says 'What?'"

"What?"

"Yup, your turn to change Chen's diaper."


	40. Miko's Blindness

Since Ran is often so busy and that Chen, due to the attack leaving her incontinent, cannot go to the bathroom, we often take turns changing her diaper and it was originally my turn but, due to the fact that I was almost blind, I tricked Tenshie into doing it. As I had tricked her, I felt awful, wondering if my waning vision was really that awful that I cannot even do a simple task. Slowly, my vision has been weakening, growing more blurry and dim by the passing day. After Tenshi changed her diaper, I did apologize to Chen for shunting my responsibilities to her, to which she responded, "It's okay, I could tell you couldn't do it." At least, Chen was sympathetic.

I feel pain in my chest where my heart is. My heart is breaking. I yearn to tell someone that I cannot see but I do not wish to be pushed aside and I want to be of some use but my vision hinders me.

* * *

_**"** YOU CAN SUCK MY ASS!"_


	41. YOU CAN SUCK MY ASS!

Yukari most certainly isn't right in the head, doubly so with the notions of seeing ghosts and that. Of course, it seems, she has gone deeper and deeper into her delirium. Recently, she's claimed to see the babies of Ran's previous and current litters and explains that she sings them lullabies to calm them and lull them to sleep. If Yukari is truly seeing them, then I could wonder if she laments she could have done so if they hadn't died. Naturally, I knew it would be foolish to deny her something, so I left Yukari to her ghosts. As I did so, I couldn't help but to hear some sort of aggro emitting from the children's room.

It was Chen quarrelling with Miko for reasons I wanted to find out. "Don't lie! You're almost blind and you know it, you just don't want to tell anyone!" Chen yelled. Miko hissed and said, "Be quiet child!" Chen wiggled her nose and said, " ** _YOU CAN SUCK MY ASS!_**  You have to tell someone that you are going blind and yet you won't, pretending everything's fine, when it isn't. I can't even use my left arm and leg and I go to the potty in a diaper but you don't see me pretending everything is the same and I know it isn't! Tell someone that you are going blind! You told me but why not them? They care about you, too, and yet you're pretending nothing is wrong, making everyone scared. You tell me to be quiet about it but, you know what? Being quiet won't do any good, this is something you have to tell about and you want to be quiet! Hell no! It won't do any good to be quiet because what is in the dark will come to light! Is that what you want, to be quiet and act like everything is fine,while you stagger around in darkness, living in misery and sadness? If you want to be quiet, fine, suck my ass and live in the misery and darkness that will soon be your life, the life you won't let anyone be the light to." Chen dear was yelling so loudly it summoned everyone to that room. Her face was all red and she sweating.

Stunned, I asked, "Is is true, Miko-dear?" She hesitated until Chen said, "They already know now." She sighed and said, with a trembling lip, she said, "Yes, it's true, I am almost blind." Kosuzu blinked and asked, "Then why didn't you tell us?" Miko hesitated again before she spoke, "I was afraid of being pushed aside and I wanted to show I was of some use but my blindness hinders me, so I decided to keep it hidden." Ren and Ran walked over to her and took her hand, saying, "You could have told us, surely we could have done something for you." Suika walked over there, too, saying, "Yeah, ya weren't gonna be pushed aside." Eventually all of us went to comfort her.

* * *

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Yukari knows karate."

 


	42. Butt Monkey Tenshie

Yukari and Tenten don't like each other very much, which is cool, and, apparently, Yukari knows karate and Tenten took an ass beating. Either way, it must have been funny. It seems the two just don't get along, as yesterday, Tenten took a beating from Yukari over eating her food and the day before Yukari gave her a beating with a broom, a mop, a cookie sheet, a wok, a dustpan, a skillet, a spatula, a ladle, and wheelchair. Today, she pummelled her with fists and threw books at her. Of course, today, Tenshi hit her back and Yukari hit her back harder. Tenshi still hit her saying, "You hit me, I'll hit your ass back!" to which Yukari responded, "To the moon!" They were fighting for over a few hours. They stopped fighting when Yukari one-shotted Tenten, saying, "At three."

Never did seem to figure why they fight.

* * *

"Chen, you still love Mommy, don't you?"

 


	43. Of course, I do and I always will

One night, when I was sleeping, Ran came into the room. I was barely awake but I could tell she had a worried and sad look on her face. She had her hand to her chest and asked, "Chen, sweetheart, you still love Mommy, don't you?" I blinked and responded, "Of course, I do and I always will." She blinked her wide eyes, shocked, then she picked me and spun around. She put me down and kissed me on the forehead. She smiled and said, "I love you, too." I couldn't understand why she woke in the middle of the night to ask me that. I didn't know why she would because she should know I do love her. I asked Ren about it and he said, "She just asked you that because, sometimes, a mother must be reminded that her children still love her. It shouldn't worry you."

* * *

"Where baby come from?"


	44. Where baby come from?

Reimu, Mary, and Wren, it seems, didn't know about Anohana. Of course, that was because they haven't seen her before, up until now. Naturally, being curious, they couldn't help but to ask the question as to where she came from. However, Chen did give an answer to the littler children and that was, "Oh that's easy, Ran and Ren had sex." Fortunately, the little ones didn't seem to get what sex was but Chen obviously seemed to know. Ducksie and Winston did exchange rather wide-eyed glances and Yukari was just as goggle-eyed. Suika just blinked and said, "She is 1,934, 200, 288,120,260,000th kid I've met that knows what doing the two backed beast is, so that's nothin' new." Suika's words did very little to ease the shock as to how an innocent child like Chen actually knew what sex was.

"Sweetheart, where on earth did you learn that?" Ran asked her, the answer of which she spoke, "A book and I  _can_  read." Ren smiled an amused smile and asked, "Yes, yes, but what kind of book?" Chen blinked her brown eyes and answered, "Don't know but it was a book with pictures." Apparently, when Chen reads, she doesn't bother looking at the title. Ran blinked her saucered eyes and asked, "Is there anything else you know?" Chen took a deep breath and went into three hours of explaining in such detail where babies come from. Fortunately, the littler ones weren't in the room to hear it. "See, what did I tell ya'? 1,934, 200, 288,120,260,000th kid that actually knows what the two backed beast is, though she 1,934, 200, 288,120,260,456, 023, 78, 89th kid that could actually go explain it."

* * *

"OW!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya there, yep, just couldn't resist adding in some comic relief in this story due to the current events in this story. There will be more drama but, however, for now, let's lighten the mood a bit.
> 
> -Amoridere


	45. Keep Silent of the Past

"Shut up, Meg." Yukari said to Tenshi, when she walk passed her. Tenshi hadn't said one word to her. The two never seems to stop fighting, not even for a moment. If they aren't beating each other up, then they are being hostile to each other. I never could seem to remember what their beef was with one another. According to Ran, Yukari doesn't really remember because she has gone insane but states that Yukari hasn't liked Tenshi very much over the fact that Tenshi caused problems out of boredom, the some of which involved destroying Reimu's shrine. Of course, I do wish the two would get along, it does no use to fight.

On the note of Yukari, she is acting strangely. According to Yuuka, she claims she can see ghosts that aren't Yuyuko but we can never really be for sure, as she her sanity has left her. According to Yuuka, she also talks to them but I couldn't seem to figure out which ones she was speaking to and neither did I know. Though, today, she was speaking to someone and she was speaking rather quietly, saying, "They murdered you, Yume, and they may as well have murdered me, too." I was curious as to who Yume was and why they haven't mentioned her (assuming this "Yume" is female). I figured that Yume had passed away because someone contributed to her death and Yukari knows what happened.

I made the obvious mistake of being curious and asking about Yume at dinner. When I did, everyone went silent and Mokou said, "Uh, Kosu, we don't like to talk about that." I blinked and asked why, no wanting to answer. Ran excused herself and I wanted answers. They all looked at me wide-eyed. Slowly, Yuuka said, "Yume, oh, well, she...she...she's...passed on." Kaguya nodded and said, "Yes, she has and we don't like to talk about it, just like we don't like to talk about why Reimu can't walk." I blinked and asked why is it she can't walk. Chen's face had gone white and she said, "We don't talk or think about that and neither should you."

"Okay, there is something that is happening and I want to know what they are, especially, when it concerns Reimu."

"Uh, Kosuzu, maybe we shouldn't-"

"Shut up, Meg! Something happened to her and I want to know. Reimu is my friend and I haven't seen her in awhile up until recently, so I would like to know, so TELL ME!"

"We don't like to talk about, just like every other bad thing that happened."

"You can't hide the past forever."

Yuuka breathed a heavy sigh and said, "Reimu took a bad fall." I asked her how, to which she said, "Well..."

* * *

_Reimu dear was playing fairly close to an edge and Ran seemed to ignore her. Of course, this was a time in which Ran had gone through a period in which she described as the times have made her a "heartless selfish bitch of a kitsune" and allowed her negligence to take over. Unfortunately, I was too far away and busy to stop Reimu and Ran seemed to pay her no mind. I wanted to call out to her to watch little Reimu but my attention was focused somewhere else. As soon as I turned my back, I heard a loud ***THUMP!***  and then Reimu's screams. At such a height in which a child like herself had fallen, her legs were paralyzed._

* * *

"And, now, dear, you know the story. We don't like to talk about it, as Ran is still reminded of the guilt she feels for allowing it, doubly so since that fall could have very well have killed Reimu, thus effectively driving Ran to end her own life, once her offspring weren't as dependent on her, to make up for the guilt. Now, you see why we don't like to speak of the past because the past still leave everlasting scars and never healing wounds. No, we can't hide it, of course not, but we don't like to speak of it and we won't because speaking of it only makes it worse."

We went to find Ran, lying in her bed, a pile of tissues right next to her. I felt awful for upsetting her. As she was lying there, apparently asleep, I apologized for bringing it up and upsetting her.

* * *

"Yukari seems to be more spacey than usual."

 


	46. Spaciness, Hair Loss, and Self Biting

Yukari is always a tad spacey but she seemed to be more so than usual, to the point it was hard to discern whether or not she was in her usual delirious state or if she was pushed further into it by smoking some of Huzi dear's funny fags. Naturally, I simply thought not to pay any mind to it, as it would do no good to do so. On the other hand and a much more worrying note, Reimu has taken to biting herself. Reimu is so detached from pain stimuli that she doesn't know what sort of damage she is causing, even as it causes her skin to become raw and it often bled as a result. I couldn't help but to wonder what in bleeding hell would cause her to chew away at her arm. Naturally, this prompted us to bandage it, which made her stop biting at it, but, soon, we had to bandage the other one as well.

If Yukari's lunacy or Reimu's peculiar habit was on our mind, then Ran's thinning hair was. It looked as if she had very fine hair, even on her once fluffy tails, and it looked as if the slightest provocation could cause it all out. According to Winston, she seems to be very hesitant towards allowing anyone to touch her hair, prompting me to see for myself. Her ears flattened and she emitted a low growl, pulling away from being touched. It seems my touch has ended with a few hairs falling out. I couldn't help but to wonder what was causing her sudden attack of alopecia. Perhaps it is a nutrition deficiency, yes, after all, she's really eaten nothing but those confounded dry chalky rice cakes and those are anything short of nutritiously adequate. Winston seems to think so as well, pointing out that she should eat something besides that. Of course, losing her hair came with her being self-conscious about it, thus a reason for her shy away from it being touched. However, Suika, that peculiar dear, went into the lavatory with a pair of scissors, cutting off most of her hair. She ran to her and said, "Ta-da!" Her action made Ducks feel better about herself and she kissed Suika on the forehead saying, "Thank you, sweetheart."

Later that evening, we heard Chen scream. She had had another nightmare and was terrifically upset from it. Ran gathered her into her arms and started to sing her, "Baby Mine" from Dumbo, the rest of us joining in.

* * *

"Piano!"

"Koishi get back here!"


	47. Funeral Dirge

Koishi seems to have taken notice to a piano and I had learned she could play beautifully. Hauntingly, she was playing the tune to funeral dirge, leading me to wonder as to why my little sister would play something like that. No one died, thus there is really no reason to play funeral dirge. Perhaps, she expressing some sort of sadness to a loss that she hadn't the time to mourn. Of course, Koishi doesn't really think and I not sure of if she feels. I leave Koishi to playing her funeral dirge and I go off to see how the others are doing. I watch as Ran and Ren have an idle but gentle argument about Ran eating those rice cakes and only those rice cakes.

"Surely, dear, you could eat something else."

"No, I'll eat what I am eating, at least I am eating at all."

"Yes, yes, eating is all well and good but eating only rice cakes aren't good for you and, if you are eating only those things, then you may as well be starving."

"Well, I'm not."

"No, no, you're not but, dearest, if I were eating nothing but those things you'd be the first to complain."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, it is so, and eating only those things could lead to a nutritional deficiency, which hurts the health, much like it is doing yours, dearest."

Of course, it wasn't so much as an arguement, as Ren was right and was merely trying to convince her to come to his point of view, using exactly the correct words and not belittling her opinion on the matter, and it seems she has come to his side, pushing away the rice cakes she was always eating and reached for pork sashimi. I've eaten one of those rice cakes once and I found them to taste more like cheap crapass dog treats.

A few hours later, Koishi was still playing the piano. No one bothered to question why there was a piano playing, even if it were playing a funeral dirge. However, someone did seem to notice and I could hear her wheeping. Yukari. She wasn't sane enough to where I could understand her thoughts but I could understand she was upset about something. I found her sitting up in bed, almost like a image on the ninth of swords tarot card. She was wheeping and holding a thin razor blade, the kind that I've used to cut coke with. I placed two and two together and realized that she going to perform the unthinkable. In seeing her, I walked over to her and gave her a hug, taking the blade from her. I held it up, pointed to it, and said, "There is so much to live for, you don't have to do this, the spirits have long forgiven you."

After that, Koishi played a much happier tune.

* * *

"Ducksie, oh, your hair is coming back."

 


	48. Musings

It seems Ran has started to grow her hair back and her tails were once again fluffy. Of course, Winston has managed to convince her eat something else and she hasn't relapsed. My suspicions of a nutritional deficiency as to why her hair was falling out were confirmed. She has also gotten to be more vibrant, if that gesticulation of hers is to go by. Actually, despite not possessing hearing problems, she does seem to use gestures at the most of time, along with dancing. Nevertheless, we understand her as if she were speaking.

On Reimu's note, she seemed to have found more to say and started to articulate her words better, saying, at some point, " 'en needs diaper change." She pointed to Chen and repeated what she said before, except she ended it with, "NOW!" She was calling attention to something important and what was important was that Chen needed her pants changed. Naturally, I complied, saying, "I see, dear." After changing her diaper, Chen promptly asked me why is it I call Ran "Ducksie" or "Ducks", pointing out that Ran really isn't a duck. I thought about it and stated I really didn't know aside from the time I saw her trying to mimic a baby duck, to absolutely no success, or the fact that she walks with her large hips swaying from here to there, like a duck's waddle, from time to time. Either way, I really didn't know why I called her that. Another nickname for her, though, I told Chen was "Kanran" or Cabbage because she was eating cabbage flowers or "Mausuhantā" because I found her chasing mice with full intention to make a snack of them. Of course, calling her Ducksie was my favorite in that it seemed to suit her the most, be it if she isn't a duck. I also noted that Ran hasn't said anything about it.

On the note of, Yume Ni, it turns out she wasn't blind at all, actually, she possessed myopic vision and required spectacles. Of course, we didn't know where we would get her any.

* * *

"Ran...Yakumo."

 


	49. Surnames and Yukari's Isolation

As I was cleaning up the kitchen, I heard Reimu call my name, my full name. She usually doesn't call anyone by their full names or even their real names so that prompts me to figure out what it was that she's needed. I walked over to her and found her lifting her arms up. It seemed she wanted to be picked up and held, like always. Nevertheless, I did wonder what had prompted her to call me my full name and I did take mental note she doesn't do this with anyone else, not even Ren, but then again, he doesn't have a last name, hence that's why he's taken mine. According to Rinnosuke, she would likely say the last names if she could remember them and she's remembered mine. He also pointed out that she never seemed to remember Mokou's last name or, rather, she thought her last name was her first name, thus calling her Huziwara, then again, we've called Mokou nothing but her last name, so of course Reimu would refer to her as that.

On a more worrying note, the former being more pleasant, Yukari has taken the time out to isolate herself for reasons we don't know. I remember sitting outside of her door and listening. So far, there has been nothing but silence, however, this time, there seemed to more voices besides her own.

* * *

"Yukari did  ** _WHAT?!_** "

 


	50. Bending a Few Borders of Time

We found Ran, today, with her face as white as the snow outside, and she looked almost as if she were going to faint. When we asked her what was the matter and she gave her answer. Naturally, we were in disbelief and asked, "Yukari did **_WHAT?!_** " She explained to us slowly that Yukari managed to open a gap to the past and save some of those lost, the which included a toddler Marisa, Flandre, a kid Sakuya, Remilia, a baby Sanae, and a toddler Alice, also Cirno. We were promted to ask if Yukari died as a result, to which she responded, "No, but she's exhausted." In bringing them from the past, their demises will never have happened. Of course, that begged the question as to how many we were to feed. Of course, even though their deaths had never happened, however, what happened to the world cannot be undone and rebuilding Gensokyo could very well prove fatal for Yukari. She's done what she's wanted to and she wasn't going to do any more.

Since she's bent the borders of time, I do wish she could have at least brought Eirin or Keine or Reisin back. Of course, Keine died of natural causes and bringing Eirin back would very well wipe her fron existance, being that her wish to die overrode her immortality, so bringing her back from the dead via bending the time border could very well erase her from existance. As for Reisin, maybe, it could be that doing so could prove fatal for her. I suppose Yukari did basically what her abilities allowed her to do and she wanted to give someone a new chance at life, without blowing up the fabric of the universe and the space time continuum.

On a humorous note, it seems Marisa has gravitated towards Ran, seeing her as "Mommy" and won't let go.

* * *

"Ran-mommie and Ren-daddie!"

"Yes, Chen?"

"Two things~!"

"Okay."

"I love you and Reimu bit me again."


	51. Self-Harm: The Pain She Can't Feel

Reimu had taken to biting people again and we couldn't quite piece together why. She usually bites herself, being unaware of the self-injuries. If she isn't biting herself, then she is biting someone else. If she isn't biting, she's hitting or scratching. Of course, her self-inflicted injuries didn't come from just biting, as recently, she's scratched her face and even gave herself a bruise under one of her eyes. However, her harming others did create some sort of aggregation amongst everyone, besides Kaguya and Mokou's marifana hijinks and Ren's hair getting cut off (he's rather forgiving towards that), especially between her and the other children, more noticeably Chen.

When Reimu hits, bites, or scratches her, Chen returns the actions but it bounces off of Reimu, as she gives no reactions. Naturally, we have to remind them both not to hit. Chen resents this but Reimu, it seems, understands but doesn't remember the message when we disallow her to harm herself. We don't want her to harm others but, at the same time, we don't want her to hurt herself. However, Kaguya brought up the thought that Reimu herself, mental wise, cannot acknowledge that she has an injury, thus she's prone to ignoring it but her brain, sensory wise, doesn't. Ren pointed out how that doesn't make sense as to why Reimu harms everyone else, to which she said, "Well, she cannot acknowledge her own injuries but it could be possible that hurts others because she cannot acknowledge the fact that she is injuring herself."

Mokou, however, proposed a different theory, in that she only causes others pain because she knows they can respond to injuries and is probably trying to grasp what was conditioned from her and is probably trying to relearn what has been lost or, rather, cannot seem to grasp that everyone can and will respond to injuries and pain if they feel them, whereas, she won't, unless someone else responds to her being injured, in which case, it will click in her mind that somethings needs some attention and that is the only circumstance. Aside from that, her brain responds but she remains ignorant it. On top of that, Kaguya did bring up the fact that Reimu probably resorted to self harm as a way of coping while we were imprisoned.

Nevertheless, we wanted nothing more than to quell this habit.

* * *

"MOMMY!"


	52. Worth It!

Damn, Maris was awfully attached to Rannie. Maybe she's hungry and that is probably why she follows her around so much, which is weird, 'cause she can clearly walk and has teeth but that most certainly doesn't stop her. I cannot help but to laugh at a little human child mistaking a kitsune as her mother, then again, Reimu did the same thing with Yukari, of course, Yukari doesn't have a tail, let alone nine of them. Nevertheless, maybe she is just hungry and maybe her other mommy didn't stop feeding her before this point. Rannie, on the other hand, isn't amused, and stated, "Marisa is weaned and Maribel, Renko, and Reimu do the same thing." I still poked fun at it, to which she asked, "Okay, does immortality mean you can regrow your teeth?" Before I could answer, I was slugged in the mouth.

Worth it!

* * *

"Remi, are you okay?"

"Just ill, Flandre."


	53. Poor Health and Reconnections

Remilia dear, it seems, has taken ill and has been rendered bedridden. Of course, we expected it so as, she hasn't fed on human blood in a long time and probably won't ever. Flandre on the other hand, remained well, and that was only because Flandre is far stronger than her sister. It would only be a matter of time before Remilia will waste away completely. Flandre begged for her to be saved but the only way we could save Remilia was to turn her human with treatments and spells, some of which Kaguya had learned under Eirin's tutilage. Initially, she refused but, when we informed her there wasn't any other way, she relented. Her new human form, minus her wings was going to be some pain to her and she seemed to be upset.

If Remilia's health wasn't on our mind, then Ducksie's most certainly was. She was up the duff again and that brought new worries. She needed some sort of guidance but we didn't know what sort in which to give her. Anohana, she remembered, was still dependant on her and relied on her attention and care. To further twist the knife, Sakuya, being a rather naive if not a tad wordly child, suggested she's drink some herbal tea. Naturally, Ran was horrified, as were the rest of us. Of course, Sakuya didn't know what had frightened her and was genuinely remorseful for upsetting her. We let her be for awhile, concluding that she's needed some time to herself. In the end, it turns out her pregnancy was hysterical, brought on the worries she will have otherwise had or did have. She was relieved to know she wasn't really up in the duff and that she didn't miscarry.

On a happier note, Chen was starting to reconnect with Yukari, reforming a bond that it seemed had been lost. It took some time for Yukari to get used to Chen's prescence but, after awhile, she warmed up and grew to interacting with her, seeing her as mostly as a child needing her protection, love, and guidance, despite it being mostly the other way around. It was a tad humorous to see her following Chen around, watching her every move, like one would do a tot. At the same, Chen was shielding her from sort of unseen if not outright imaginary dangers.

* * *

"I wish I had a mommy!"

 


	54. Reimu's Coughing and Sakuya's New Mommy

Sakuya told me she wished she had a mommy and asked me if we could share one. I didn't really know what she meant but Ran-mommie said it had something to with the fact that she doesn't one and has been without parents for as long as she could remember. Of course, I didn't really want to share Ran-mommie because I already had to. When she asked, I said, "Maybe Yukari can be your mommy." She blinked and decided to see about it but ended up startling Yukari. She was't used to Sakuya or, for that matter, wasn't used too much to being petted by someone that isn't me. Of course, she also has terrible vision and startles easily on the account of that. After awhile, Yukari got used to her, sorta becoming Sakuya's mommy. They didn't really do too much together, as Yukari mostly sleeps and Sakuya tends to forget not to startle her.

It seems Reimu is sick, as she has been coughing. She never stopped. Kaguya says its asthma and that she has been around dust, while Yuuka insists something is really wrong. I really wish Eirin were here because she always knew what was what. Of course, Reimu's coughing came with the others saying it was this or that or that or this and she continued coughing until she fainted. When she did faint, everyone stopped saying what they thought it was. Yukari walked over to her, picked her up, and hit her pretty hard on the back, like she did Ran one time when she was choking. She did that twice before Reimu coughed again and spit out something, along with a little blood. I didn't know what it was but it had to be sharp and Reimu was choking on it. She was okay after that but we couldn't let her out of our sight and Yukari spent most of time picking up any sharp object.

* * *

_"Ran, my sweet, you are...loved..."_


	55. ....loved

Yukari went to sleep and didn't wake up until a month and half later. The last thing she said to me when she went to sleep was, " _Ran, my sweet, you are...loved..."_  It had been awhile since she had even spoken to me and that was the last thing she's said. For some reason, I couldn't wrap my head around why she would say that, doubly so, when I was used to her rambling madly, but, this time, for once, after so long, she said something coherant and it was something directed at me. As I spent that month and a half pondering why she said what she said to me, I found myself being petted on the head by her hand, after she had awakened. She hadn't petted me in a long time and the last time she had is but a distant and fading memory.

As she was petting my head, I could have sworn I heard her voice say,  _"These memories, my sweet, I give to you."_  and, then,  _"...loved.",_  when she stopped petting my head to go somewhere else. I found myself to be surprised, when I heard Reimu say, "She, Mommy, r'members you." My eyes widened and I had become aware of the fact that Yukari has some semblance of sanity within her memories but, at the same time, I couldn't help but to wonder what it was that she had lost in that warped up mist that is her the remains of her mind. Perhaps, she was starting to "wake up" but I can never be for sure, however, I do hold out hope.

Some day, she may come back to us.

* * *

"What the hell did you do?!"


	56. A Kitchen Explosion, Bent Borders, and Freedom From a Past Regret

Never again will I allow Kaguya anywhere near the kitchen. Of course, Huzi told me not to and I figured nothing could go wrong but, damn, I was wrong and the crippled fucker caused a kitchen explosion. I really do hope the motherfucking kids are not deaf from that and that Reimu isn't hurt, since the blast threw her up against a wall. She was unconscious and comotose for a few days, Yukari, Kaguya (who is repentant), and Ren watching over her vigilantly. She awoke, dazed, and sat up. She blinked, looked around, and, surprisingly, started to move her legs. When she took notice to her barely wiggling toes, she reached out to grab them, almost as if they were something alien. She's never noticed her toes because she couldn't feel her legs and they now work but she can never walk fully. After some observation, we found that she could walk again but it was limited and she could only walk some distance and we found she couldn't run, thus her legs could only function to limited ability and she would always require something to get around. Nevertheless, she didn't seem to know that but was happy anyway.

On the note of Yukari, she did me a kindness by returning Youmu to me, as a baby she had spirited away from the past through her gaps. I had missed Youmu since her demise and wanted nothing more than to have her with me again. It felt good holding her again. Along with Youmu, she brought Suwako to love and look after Sanae. Her using her abilities like that exhausted her and I doubt she would ever muster the strenght to do that again.

When Reimu caught sight of Ran and Ran did the same, she tried to walk over to her, to the best that her legs would allow. Ran was in tears and it seemed the guilt she had for allowing Reimu to become parylized seemed to fade. Only time will tell if her guilty feeling remained.

* * *

"An anthem for the queenliest dead that ever died so young-  
A dirge for her the doubly dead in that she died so young."


	57. Hidden Depths

I think Winston has quite a fondness of poetry, often reciting it from memory during times he's idle or when busy (like folding those mountains of clothes). It is indeed fascinating to hear him recite lines from haunting and gothic poetry. Of course, that begged the question as to why he prefers something like that. Then again, the lot of people do prefer that and he is probably the same.

Throughout the day, I would hear him recite some of Poe's literature, this time it was The Raven. "This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, 'Lenore!' / spring under His reign." He often chuckled at that one, as it did mock a position of authrority under another position of authority that was alien. It was fascinating to see a kitsune normally so quiet and meek recite poetry with eloquence or to see him recite it from memory.

If he wasn't reciting poetry, he was often telling the children stories. He never liked to tell sad stories, though he did tell humurous ones, particularily times of his childhood. "I never did forgvie my cousin for that." He said as he ended the story.

Sometimes, when he recites Poe's literature, I cannot help but to feel a bit haunted by it.

* * *

**_"RAN!"_ **


	58. Collapsing Foundations

Today, was awful and here we thought we were safe. Ran had walked outside only for but a moment to get some snow for bathing water and the next thing we had known was that Ran was screaming. We hurried outside to find her, about a few yards away, covered in blood and with her clothes torn. She was unconscious but not dead. We brought her inside and I inspected her for any injuries (be noted that this isn't pleasant). I stayed quiet about it and decided to speak to Ren and Yukari in private about on the matter. Ren wanted nothing more than to be by her side and Yukari, like I did, wanted to kill the monster who did that to her. As for Ran, the shock and trauma of it all made her cataleptic. She was bedridden most of the time and seemed to be once again apathetic. My heart was broken and so was Ren's. We didn't know what she was to do or how long she was to remain like this. It was agonizing either way.

Why one earth would anyone want to do something that evil to her? It was horrible thinking about and I could not really seem to fathom any reason as to why anyone would wish to hurt her, especially in that way. I wish something a thousand fold awful on whoever did that to her because no one deserves to have that done to them, especially Ran. I couldn't go out and get revenge and getting revenge would make Ran feel even worse. Of course, what happened to her did bring back memories of what Yukari went through during our time of imprisonment. Her heart is bleeding from it and I feel it, too! Dammit! If only I could turn back the hands of time and undo what has been done, then I will have! If I didn't take revenge for what happened to Chen, then our house wouldn't have been burned down, then we wouldn't have come here, then Ran wouldn't have had that done to her. I want to make things right but I always screw up and, now, I wish I could make this right, yet, I don't know how.

In feeling all of this sadness, I sat down somewhere and cried, only to stop when I felt someone wiping away my tears. It was Yuuka, her usually curly hair disheveled and near total mess, barely bound back with a hair scarf. Things were starting to fall apart again. Doubly so, since there is a possible food shortage and some of us are too terrified to go outside, except for Yukari, Cirno, and me. However, Cirno was basically born yesterday and Yukari was much too occupied with knitting, taking care the children, or rambling, grunting, and, more often than not, screaming angrily. For someone who isn't coherent most of the time, she seemed to be coherent enough to understand what happened and she seemed to be pissed but, at the same time, deeply saddened because there is really nothing she can do about it, let alone the fact it brought back memories of what she really couldn't do, which was to protect her. Of course, that was one of her many regrets, which also plunged her into insanity.

After about a few days, I gathered a few of my things in a bundle and left to find some food.

* * *

"Kagu, Kagu, where's Kagu?!"

 


	59. Suffering the Storm

I opened my dim eyes to the sound of Mokou looking for Kaguya. I blinked and figured Kaguya couldn't have gone far, thus I figured there should be no cause for alarm. However, it became more apparent that she had left and she gave no reasons, none. Along with her, Cirno, who is as stupid as a sack of rocks, went her. Both of them were gone and she was rather distraught that she had lost her "little buddies". Of course, she secretly liked company and had been in Kaguya's for a long time and she has appreciated Cirno's company as well, so not having them both around did a number on her. Actually, she went into a mental breakdown, much like Ran did, only went she went into for a different reason. Once again, I sense the world around falling apart. For once, I hoped for a bit of stability but there isn't. Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, I suppose. I've had enough of all of this and, frankly, I do wish I would just fall asleep and never wake up. However, that is not really possible, so I am forced to live the remainder of my pitious existance. On the other hand, so much of this turmoil has started to make me wall off my own heart, cancelling out any sadness or worries. I guess these sort of things have made me jaded.

With the obvious side-effect of longing, I distanced myself, shoving away my feelings of closeness and sadness. In the end, my heart shattered beyond repair. For a person who can sense the desires of others, I can also sense their pain. Of course, I never thought to manipulate that, as it would do no good. Sincerily, I do hope Ran eventually recovers so Ren can his beloved indigo flower back and that Kaguya and Cirno returns. In the meantime, I shall suffer this storm, too.

* * *

"Hello, Huzi-dear, has Ducks eaten?"

"She did but she threw it back up."


	60. Bitch

 

 

 

It has been a little while since Ran went into a cataleptic fit and, when she finally came out of it, she ate but was sick with nausea, prompting her to vomit. Along with that, according to Huzi, she has quite the loathing of being touched, retaliating with violence if it is someone so much as lightly brushes her. Of course, both were signs of her trauma and no one comes out of that too receptive to that. Yukari most certainly didn't, rather, she prefered limited if she wasn't to have none. Aside from wanting to cradle Reimu or Chen, she, behaving almost as if she were an autistic child, would stiffen and push someone way if they did vice versa, rarely if ever accepting it without feeling obligated or trying to imagine something else. However, besides the mental trauma she's suffered, it also came from the fact that she had weakened vision and startled fairly easily. Nevertheless, it did take some time in an asylum for her to receive some sort of help for it, however, as for Ducks, she doesn't have that luxury. Poor Winston! He loves her but knows he cannot touch her, lest he receives some injuries.

However, we all love her but none of us can touch her without eliciting some sort of violent reaction. The little children, even the Marisa and her offspring keep a distance. If she wasn't lashing out, then she was sitting alone, not doing anything or staring off into emptiness, or or scrubbing herself to the point of irritation and bleeding, muttering, "Dirty, dirty, dirty, slutty, whore, disgusting, worthless, unfaithful, weak..." Every time I would hear her, my heart would shatter and I would die a little, wishing I could comfort her. As time went by, I had noticed she seemed to have put on a little weight. Actually, she had gained much weight that it was hard to tell if she wasn't pregnant. Of course, she might have been but, at the same, she might not be, however, she did put on so much weight from eating and she seemed to be going through a self-destructive phase, as she smoked and drank along with eating. Her moods would swing and she would have bouts of lunacy and spaciness. Still, Winston loved her and told me she thinks she is still as beautiful as when they first met. To me, romance is quite a complicated mystery but this particular romance is exceptional. He still loves her and will never part her company.

Curiously, she hasn't attempted suicide, like she had tried to before, but we knew not to leave her alone with the children, as she was slowly slipping more and more into insanity. It seemed there was almost no way she could recover and we mourned that but, at the same time, we wanted to help her, empathized with her, and wanted her back, not, as Mokou dear put it, a raging fat bitch. Of course, I don't much care for the change in her but it's not the first time I've seen someone turn this way,  _especially_  if they already have preexisting mental problems, like Ran does.

It seems, on the other hand, that Mokou has grown rather tired of her behavior and got her attention by yelling,  ** _"BITCH!"_**  in her direction. That naturally had the effect of her turning around slowly and walking over, asking, "What did you call me?" Mokou blinked and said, "I said 'Bitch', bitch."

"Take it back." Ran said, her eye twitching. Winston tried to intervene but was told to be quiet.

"Um okay, no, I won't take it back, 'cause you're a raging kitsune bitch."

"..."

"Yeah, praise me, go ahead, after all, you're a bitch."

"You're trying my patience..."

"Am I gonna get hit? Okay, hit me! It won't change the fact that you're a bitch who's started to take her problems out on everyone else. Yeah, you've gone through hell, we all have, and Yukari, also known as Tosca has gone through what you've gone through, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, and, yet, she didn't turn into anything like you,  ** _BITCH!_** Now, before you think of sayin' anything, shut the hell up, mmkay. It's not the fact that you don't like to be touched, that of which almost caused you to be a small child through the wall, or the trauma you went through, which had to have been brutal, trust me, I know, it's the fact that you have other underlying problems that you've tried to shove away and would have done so if the box that is the deepest recesses of your being wasn't already full. Yeah, I can understand that you can and have to heal but that doesn't give you a reason be bitchy and damn near negligent. No, your fiancé, who I should note is extremely nice, doesn't want that from you and doesn't even bring it up but Chen wants her mom back and says she wants her to love her again. Not cool, as she's given up on life. Hell, you almost put a small child, Reimu, through a wall because she grabbed onto you, somethin' that she does when she wants to be held. Lemme axe ya' a questions, what the hell is ya' problem? The problem is with you is that you have never at all bothered to to talk about your problems to those who care and when they do show ya' some interests, you are quick to say, "Oh, it's fine." or push them away, much like you're doing now. So lemme axe ya a questions, why the hell is it you're a bitch?!"

Ran naturally had nothing to say and was genuinely shocked, while Mokou dear seemed satisfied, having said what she thought needed to say. However, even though she was satisfied, I could see the faint hint of tears in her eyes. She turned around walked away, leaving Ran to stand where she was. We were all shocked and didn't have any clue on what to say or whether or not to comfort Ran. There were about two hours of silence, aside from hearing the water run. However, we didn't think to notice the water running, until we heard Yukari scream,  ** _"CHEEEEN!"_  **We hurried to her, with due reason to expect the worse. Chen had attempted suicide by drowning herself. We've managed to revive her but we couldn't really tell if she's suffered significant brain damage from that, rather, it seemed, she couldn't talk. She blinked her empty wide eyes and didn't seem to be there. She was catatonic and was to the edge.

The next day, it was hard to believe she hadn't died, thank goodness. She never gave any sort of motives for it but it was clear she had given up on life. Tears had fallen from my eyes and I wish I had seen it coming. It seemed Reimu never gotten over that, the poor thing. She's seen it, watching as Chen had gone limp under the water and as the bathtub flooded, and was powerless to do anything. That is a memory that will stick with her, forever, and I can only imagine what sort of trauma it will deal to her. The most frightening thing about that was was the fact that she remained silent throughout the entire thing.

And, she couldn't make sense of it...

* * *

"Mother-in law?"

"Yes?"

"Shall we mourn together and comfort each other?"

"Yes, dutiful son-in law, we shall."

 


	61. The Musings of a Satori

What happened those couple of days ago is something I will never forget and Ran felt considerably worse. Granted, we didn't like "Bitch Ran" any more than Mokou did but I feel she was a tad harsh. However, Mokou was right in that Chen only wanted her mom back and had given up on life when she felt she wasn't going to have her back. I horrible for her and Reimu both, more because she attempted suicide right in front of her and I can only imagine what sort of mental scarring that had given her. If her memory could be erased of it then that would be mercy. I wish, to a certain degree, that Chen at least gave her reasons for it. Of course, if asked, then she may not have given any reasons, but it wouldn't matter anyhow as she seems to have lost her ability to speak, having been underwater for a certain period of time. I cannot even imagine what could have been going through Reimu's mind as she watched Chen attempt suicide but what I do know is that will stick with her forever.

Nevertheless, Ran feels an immense sadness, heartache, confusion, and guilt, as well as self-blame, because of what had happened. Today, I witnessed her crying and it was really her, not Bitch Ran, her, and I had listened to each and every one of her thoughts. As I witnessed her crying, I knew none of us were so above it all and we were not so different. The times could turn us all into a Bitch Ran or make us do things we didn't wish to. The times even forced my sister and I to a live of crime, that of which was futile. We were addicts, I'll admit that entirely, and I could only wish we had decided to go clean long before then. The times made victims of us all but it really does a number on innocent children, Chen and Reimu, especially, driving the former to suicide and the latter to become brainwashed. Children shouldn't be thinking of suicide and are supposed to be happy but, at the same time, the times don't care and will break everyone and anyone that happens to live in unfortunate circumstances. Hell, the times even turned one of the sweetest gentlest people cruel, twice, and she is now left a wreck. At least, she didn't become as bad Kanako, as Kanako beat on Sanae and that, as I can see, probably contributed to her death but the telling thing between them is that Ran could atone, whereas Kanako couldn't.

Of course, forgiveness of another doesn't come so easily to the self. Ran is one of those that suffer because of self-blame and lack of forgiveness for herself. Our hearts are all shattered by what has happened, the pain of which we all shared, especially amongst Ren and Yukari. Ren clearly he knows won't allow him to get near her, so he doesn't attempt to for fear it will do more damage than what is already there or that she'll think he's forcing her, but Yukari most certainly he gives comfort to, as per what would be Ran's wishes and is very well accepted by her. He is truly a dutiful son-in law, as far as I can see, though in my opinion, I think he is too damn nice.

As for Chen and Reimu, Reimu never seemed to want to separate from Chen's side, reacting violently if she was to be. Chen, however, remained fairly apathetic and very much depressed. Her only thoughts I could hear were,  _"Dammit!"_  and,  _"Why?!"_  It made sense, considering she was wondering why it was she wasn't allowed to die and was angry that she wasn't. After listening to her thoughts for a few minutes, a new one came and it was, "I'm sorry..." My heart shattered. If she could speak, then she would have but she couldn't. She is fully aware, capable of recovery, and yet she suffered silently.

* * *

"Flandre, little sister, what is that you hold?"

 


	62. Chen's Suicide Note: Reconciliation

Usually, my little sister Flandre has blushing cheeks and bright cheerful curious eyes, but, this time, she seemed to have a rather somber look and in her hand, she held a folded piece of paper. I took it from her and unfolded it, reading what was inside. I had felt the blood in my veins run cold and myself started to become sick to my stomach. I had read Chen's suicide note, which read:

_To who it may concern,_

_I love you all very much but I just can't go on. I wish Ran-mommie still loved me but she doesn't and she's gone now. I can only how you'll forgive me, especially you, Reimu, assuming you can read, and never forget me. Ran, if you're reading this, I missed you and I wanted my mommy back and for us to be a family and happy again. I love you and I wish you still remembered that. By the time, you wake up and come back to us, I won't be here but promise me you'll take of them for me._

_Sincerely,_

_-橙_

Flandre sat next to me and asked me what it is we do with it. "I don't know." I answered her. She blinked her sad eyes and asked, "Should we destroy it, sister?" I shook my head and told her it would be very well pointless cruelty to withhold the truth but, yet, Flandre insisted we destroy it for fear of what it will do to Ran. I made my tone solemn and said, "Flandre, listen to me, we cannot withhold the truth, no matter the sort of damage it may cause." Flandre eyes welled up in tears and she said, "I see." She nodded and started to cry. To my absolute sadness, I do wish I could have withheld the truth but it didn't matter as Ran was standing outside of the door listening to us as we spoke. Actually, she was standing right in the doorway, as I held the note, something she barely glanced at. Her eyes wide and to the brim of tears, she hurried off.

We later found her, later that night, sitting at the table, drinking the sorrows she felt away. In her drunken ramblings, I could hear her questioning why it was she still persisted on living. As she rambled, Yukari walked into the room and, for once coherent and in the longest period of coherence she may ever be in, asked, "Is this it then?" Ran looked up and asked, "What do you want?" Yukari blinked and said, "To talk."

"..."

"You're silent because you're a confused and scared fragile flower, who's so full of guilt, self-loathing, and the pain of yet to be healed wounds and questioning on whether or not she should allow herself to live."

"Well, I-What the-...well."

"You are at a lost for words, my sweet. Listen to me, snap out of it, your children need you."

"She still loves me,... doesn't... she?"

"She always has, why else would she attempt suicide? She wanted her mommy back and couldn't make sense of why you had changed, being devastated by it. What's more to her suicide attempt is that it vaguely mimicked your own, only it was she who attempted suicide while Reimu watched and you've attempted suicide right in front of her, much like she's done right in front of her. The only difference was that Reimu was silent, whereas she cried out. I only fear of what that will do to Reimu, as I can see what witnessing your suicide attempts did to her."

"But...I-"

"She needs you.  _Go_ , Ran, go."

As we watched, a tearful Ran hurried to where Chen was and said, "I'm sorry and I love you, Chen." Chen barely opened her eyes and smiled, reaching for her hand. In the end, we all reconciled with her. It seemed she was recovering well.

* * *

"Can, Chen tawk yet?"

"No, so far, she hasn't' really started but I like her recovery to be as slow and as steady as it could be.

 


	63. Chen is Chen

So far, Reimu learned more words and put them together in sentences and Ran lost a little weight, though, she was still chubby, only a little less so, but Chen still can't talk and only makes noises. Then again, she was underwater for a while without air so she might have had her brain damaged. Besides that, she's still Chen and acts almost as if things didn't change, so we behave in the same way. I never can understand her noises but Reimu can, then again, Reimu cannot really talk either, though she did say, "I love you, Flandre!" to me. Actually, that was the first thing she really did say to me besides making bubble-purring sounds when I was near her. At least, Chen doesn't bite me, Reimu always does.

I really like having Chen around, though, even if she can't talk or meow. Once we did talk, only she made words with her hands in some way. Two knocks for "yes", one for "no" or it was little gestures. According to Ren, Chen speaks in sign language or whatever if she doesn't make noises. The loudest noise she made so far was an, "Eeeeee~!" and I cannot remember why she made that. Speaking without words is kinda weird to me but it interesting and I haven't seen a lot of people talk like that.

Either way, she is still Chen and Chen is Chen, even if she can't talk.

* * *

"Is Reimu okay?"

 


	64. Reimu's Odd Behavior

Reimu has been behaving strangely, alternating between crying, screaming (in anger, that is) and laughing or experiencing a bizarre combination of all three at any given interval. Naturally, I just assumed it was the mental trauma taking a toll on her and it was starting manifest itself that way. Then again, it was clearly the sign that she was suffering from the budding signs of mental illness. Sincerely, I do hope she'll get well, as she is only an innocent child and I have seen far too many a person go insane from all of this madness. If my beloved and I had it any other way, we would try to find her some help but, alas, we can't. However, her showing the manifestations of a budding mental illness is something to be expected as she was mentally conditioned and has endured so much hell that a child should not have to endure. I do wish circumstances were much kinder but they aren't and there is very little that can be said or done.

Despite her mental problems, she still remained a rather sweet child, well, aside from the hitting, scratching, and sometimes biting, the either of which I learned to endure. Of course, it feels like a knife to the heart to see such a sweet child suffering from mental illness, knowing that there really isn't much that can be done and to imagine how she'll turn out later on or, rather, if she even survives to that point. In times like these, I know I shouldn't imagine that but, at the same, it is difficult to. We all think that, especially Ran and Mother-in law.

Even if we could get Reimu some sort of help for her problems, some dumbass would say it is a phase or whatever that clearly isn't it. We can only hope she'll be able to recover and regain her sanity.

* * *

"Ducks, are you alright?"

"Yes, just worried is all."

"Whyever for?

"Mmm, just worried is all. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

 


	65. Changing Times

Ducks looks almost as if she is worn out and has been worried about something, though I think she is suffering from an illness, probably from eating bad food, people are quick to waste food these days. Then again, it could be nerves, as times have been a tad harsh, especially with Reimu's budding lunacy. On the other hand, Yukari has developed more lapses of being coherent if her behavior was to go by. Nevertheless, things were starting to change in some ways good and some ways bad. In a bizarre twist of fate, Chen's convulsions seemed to have become less frequent and she seems to be able to remember more things. Of course, she is a child, so whatever damage to her brain has occurred will likely heal in five years at the most and one or two at the least, however, she is making progress.

In light of all that is going on, I couldn't help but to wonder what had become of Kaguya and Cirno. The two had departed some time ago and it seems they are no more than a faded memory. It really couldn't have been that long since the two left but it has been, then again, it was. We haven't much spoke of the two since their departure and didn't think of what could have very well have happened to them. Now that I think of them, I cannot help but to worry or feel some sort of joy that they may have found a new place to live. If that is certainly the case, then albeit, as this will not probably be their home anymore, so they may not have a home any longer.

Times are indeed changing.

* * *

"Reimu, where are you?"

 


	66. Ran and Reimu's Day

Reimu it seems to have gotten out again. How is something I had yet to find out but it seems yet again, she got out. Naturally, I decided to seek her out, hoping she didn't get very far. She couldn't have as she can barely walk and would at the fastest if she was on all fours. After searching the surrounding area closest to our location, I had realized she really managed to far enough away and that she needed to be found. I concluded I would not find her this way, so I reverted to my fox form and started to find her scent. After an hour, I managed to hit on the scent of soiled diaper and followed it. I continued following that scent, up until I had found her, over a hundred miles away.

As I was searching for her, I can across what used to be a roadway, something that elicited my curiosity. What have we here? I sniffed, searching for Reimu and her soiled diaper, trying to find her. I was determined, yet curious, to find her and explore. Maybe she was like this when she got out, then again, she doesn't have any fear to hold her back, so it makes her more curious. It was a rather densely forested area. Still I continued, searching for Reimu, trying to find her. I continued searching until I came across an abandoned settlement. There I had found Reimu, sniffing the flowers that were growing out of the snow. I reverted back to my human form and gathered her into my arms, saying, "Well, you've had an adventure, let's go home."

It was a little past nightfall when I found her and it was early morning when I had returned home. Everyone was overjoyed to see us. When asked, I said, "Reimu took me on an adventure." I never did forget about the city or the little things I've taken notice to. It was a nice day.

* * *

"Eirin..."


	67. Eirin...

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about Eirin, much like there isn't a time where Huzi doesn't think of Keine. I could just hear it now, Eirin's voice and thinking of what sort of memories we could have had if she had lived and what she could have done for us. I wonder how things could have been if she had survived. We are a long way from home and already snowflake tears are falling from my eyes. The nuclear winter and Cirno are cold but I feel even colder and that is exactly what Eirin felt, before she died. At the same time, she is free and, in thinking of her, I no longer remember why it is I even left home at all. Yup, that's me again, fucking around, doubly so since I cannot seem to find my way back and neither can Cirno. Well, I suppose it would be okay to begin anew and probably go back to the others when it is springtime.

As we journey onwards, I look up at the sky and ask, "Eirin, can you hear me?" Heh, I guess it is foolish to ask that, as Eirin isn't here to guide me anymore or any of us for that matter. To a certain degree, I do wonder what could have kept her from suicide. Her diary, which I still have, stated it was from all of the hell that she had endured up until that point and Yuuka did tell me she was happy so at least she is free.

As I think about Eirin, I wonder what the others are up to.

* * *

 

_"Hello, Princess."_

* * *

 

Eirin, can my voice reach you now?

* * *

 

_"Kaguya, how are you?"_

* * *

 

Eirin...

* * *

 

_"Kaguya, let's go to the festival!"_

* * *

 

Eirin...

* * *

 

_"Kaguya, it's Reisin's birthday today, let us go and plan a party."_

* * *

 

Eirin...

* * *

 

_"Again, Princess?"_

* * *

 

Eirin!

* * *

"How long has it been since the war, really?"

"I don't really know. Probably 'bout a year or so."

"Actually, it has been more than a year and, at the most, it would have been three if not five years, as Reimu, Maribel, and Renko are much larger than what they once were and Yume Ni is, as I remember, clearly older than two or three."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, hi there, it's me again, I just wanted to write what the Kaguya was up to since her absence. - Amoridere


	68. The Passage of Time

It had been awhile since the nukes were dropped during that war and, yet, we have no idea how long time has passed since then. Ran did point out that the children had grown, as Reimu, Maribel, and Renko are much bigger than what they were and that Yume Ni is older than one, two, and three, also Anohana has to be at least one or two, so it had to have been more than two years since then. If memory serves, the nuclear weapon was dropped when I think it was still warm. To think that all that has happened hasn't happened in a short amount of time make it the more bewildering. Even with time, Yukari has grown more and more coherent with only bouts of lunacy and Reimu has finally gained comprehensive speech. I knew it to have been a long time since then.

On the note, I do wonder how long this winter was to last. Nothing, even on a catastrophic level, can last for very long. As I sat thinking, we all noticed Yukari uttering something. She uttered the word, "Atonement." As she uttered it, I could hear voices saying exactly what it was we were going through and what we had gone through..

_"Sacrifice."_

_"Secrets."_

_"Sorrow."_

_"Love."_

_"Devotion."_

_"Infertility."_

_"Miscarriage."_

_"Scars."_

_"Bonds."_

_"Ghosts."_

_"Innocence."_

_"Imprisonment."_

_"Joy."_

_"Light."_

_"Dark."_

* * *

"It's not snowing, anymore."

 


	69. Finale! Spring and Sunshine

It has been about a couple of years since then but I remember when I little, about five or six, I can't remember, when it finally stopped snowing. Like now, it was when I was still crippled and Yukari-mommie had carried me outside. For once, I had seen the sunshine and for once I no longer felt the cold air of winter. It had finally stopped snowing and the clouds were starting break up. It was the morning. It felt nice to see the sunshine and Kaguya and Cirno, too. We were back together again and Yukari let me play outside, in the sunshine. I asked Yukari-mommie what was going on and she said, "Reimu, sweetheart, its Spring and what you see is sunshine"

After that, we seen other people and people were building a new town. I also got these things that I wear that will help me walk. We stopped living in that underground house and bought an apartment building and that is where we live. Also, Chen can talk now and and Ran and Ren got married and had more babies.

If it's meant to be, I hope we meet again. Bye bye! 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, faving, and following! It has been fun. Don't worry, I will keep you posted and I might write more, only more lighthearted.
> 
> -Sincerely, Amoridere


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